It's been a long while since I posted. Moving in was a busy process as was trying to unpack and address house issues while maintaining normalcy for the kids. A true juggling act.
House issues withstanding, it's been nice to have the extra room indoors, separate bedrooms for the kids, and space outside to play, plant and just roam. This year we didn't head to Idyllwild for the holidays for the first time in 10+ years. With recent cash outlays, we decided that a stay-cation might be best especially since V. is gone M-F.
To catch up since we've moved in, D. started talking a lot. He loves to sing with me at naptime and bedtime, "You are my sunshine" and "Twinkle twinkle little star". But now we are able to have conversations about things that happened during the day or just things in general. It's amazing to watch him pause to think of how to say something and his love of books has exploded. It's become one of his favorite things now. He now has moved into swim classes by himself which makes my heart sad but so proud as I watch him excel on his own.
I. is doing great in school. We've been having some challenges at home but I'm hoping that may get better with a combination of things. She loves her daddy and her brother that is for certain and I think she may love her mommy but that is not quite so certain thanks to my "enforcer" status.
With a new year on the horizon, I've been thinking about a goal for 2014. This is the one that jumped to the front of my mind: expressing appreciation/gratitude/thanks. I read something that said that in order for children to learn this trait, they really need to see it modeled. Since this is definitely not a trait that V. shares, it's up to me to model it for my kids and it happens to be a major character trait I'd like to see in my kids. One idea I had was taking a stack of post it notes and labeling them "I appreciate/thank you for" and having them out for all of us to write short notes of appreciation to each other daily or throughout the week to develop an attitude of gratitude. I'm hoping it will help.
I.'s school is going to start a book club in the new year with a book called, "The Christian Parenting Handbook" by Dr. Scott Turanksy and Joanne Miller, RN BSN. They announced it in the weekly newsletter and I read an excerpt on Amazon and it really spoke to me. I think it will be vastly helpful so I ordered it and look forward to reading it and applying what I learn. That's always the hard part right, applying what you read.
A good start to a new year.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
It's Official
It's official that I am close to losing my mind. Two escrows going on at one time, both with various issues and fires that need to be put out. One sick toddler. One moody grade schooler. Details and coordinations coming out my wazoo. My wazoo is tired.
It's also official that in my next life if I enter the home buying process, I'm coming back as my husband who has not had to do one iota of the details to get this to happen. Not including of course the most important thing which is bringing home the bacon. I get it. But let me marinate in my bitterness.
He can't even make it for signing the loan docs I mean COME ON! It's not that he doesn't care or maybe he really doesn't care but not in a bad way. In the way of "I'm working 80 hours with my own problems that you don't have to solve so please take care of the home decisions that are WAY more important to you than they are to me." Still. And last night he really stepped in it and started laughing at my very first status report making me feel like I was a naïve, gullible idiot who just fell for the biggest trick in the book. I cut this man a lot of slack sometimes and we use a lot of humor to diffuse situations but he just made me mad, damn mad. And when I heard his voice this morning when I. was talking to him on the phone on her way to school, I was still mad. Come to think of it, I'm mad now and he hasn't even called for the night. I feel alone in this overwhelming process and as of last night, I feel like my partner thinks I'm falling for every scheme in the book. The sad thing was I was going to tell him all the deals I got thanks to much research and conniving.
We'll see what happens tonight.
It's also official that in my next life if I enter the home buying process, I'm coming back as my husband who has not had to do one iota of the details to get this to happen. Not including of course the most important thing which is bringing home the bacon. I get it. But let me marinate in my bitterness.
He can't even make it for signing the loan docs I mean COME ON! It's not that he doesn't care or maybe he really doesn't care but not in a bad way. In the way of "I'm working 80 hours with my own problems that you don't have to solve so please take care of the home decisions that are WAY more important to you than they are to me." Still. And last night he really stepped in it and started laughing at my very first status report making me feel like I was a naïve, gullible idiot who just fell for the biggest trick in the book. I cut this man a lot of slack sometimes and we use a lot of humor to diffuse situations but he just made me mad, damn mad. And when I heard his voice this morning when I. was talking to him on the phone on her way to school, I was still mad. Come to think of it, I'm mad now and he hasn't even called for the night. I feel alone in this overwhelming process and as of last night, I feel like my partner thinks I'm falling for every scheme in the book. The sad thing was I was going to tell him all the deals I got thanks to much research and conniving.
We'll see what happens tonight.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Quick Update
After going to bed pissed off and waking up wondering what the heck the day would bring, my phone rang at 8:45 and it was our realtor telling us we got the house. I'm excited but still holding my breath because we still have the appraisal hurdle for the house we are selling. At the earliest we may get the report tomorrow. If not, then Monday. Regardless, we are forging ahead with our home inspection of our purchase Saturday morning. I'll take the kiddos with me once the now sick D. wakes up from morning nap and Sunday my parents are going to come over to go see our new home with me and the kiddos. Even though it is in move in ready condition, there are still things that have to be done and coordinated and measured, ie. window coverings before we move in, hopefully a month from now.
My head is swirling and I am really trying to organize things but it's difficult. I was supposed to go to dinner with a momma friend tonight but the sitter cancelled at 3pm and with V. being gone for 2 weeks, I'm stuck. Really sucks because I could have used some fun and relaxation with all this that is going on.
Fingers crossed for the appraisal report and acceptance.
On the family front, D. is sick with a cold but we went to the zoo for a short time today anyways for distraction. I. got put in the doghouse for her attitude and behavior - still struggling to navigate her.
My head is swirling and I am really trying to organize things but it's difficult. I was supposed to go to dinner with a momma friend tonight but the sitter cancelled at 3pm and with V. being gone for 2 weeks, I'm stuck. Really sucks because I could have used some fun and relaxation with all this that is going on.
Fingers crossed for the appraisal report and acceptance.
On the family front, D. is sick with a cold but we went to the zoo for a short time today anyways for distraction. I. got put in the doghouse for her attitude and behavior - still struggling to navigate her.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Really Aggravated
We heard from the other agent that he sent our revised offer and letter but that the client would be in meetings until 3pm. The appraiser came at 9am for our place and let us know in no uncertain terms that the most recent 3 bedroom comp in our complex aka the fire sale was going to hurt our appraisal. These jerk offs listed it for $365K and sold it for the same in one day. No big surprise since the 2 bedrooms in our complex are going for $385K. What an asshole. So now we will have to wait until at least Friday to find out if we're going to be in trouble with selling this place.
Our agent called at 4:15 and said she needed me to resign our offer immediately because she had had us sign in the wrong place but that the other agent said they were signing tonight and that it was basically a done deal. Well, it's now 8:15 and we haven't heard anything and to be honest, I am really aggravated. It just seems like this whole process has been nothing if not difficult and I'm over it. Either sign or don't sign but the deadline was noon and this is just stupid. Plus about an hour ago, I realized that I didn't notice if this place had AC. Redfin website says it does but our agent thinks it didn't which aggravates me because that's $2,500 right off the bat.
On top of it, the DVR was acting up so I turned off the tv and turned it back on to see if that would fix it and now it just has white static showing up. I tried everything I knew to fix it to no avail and V. is not responding to my text message even though it's after 11pm in DC. By the time he calls me, he'll be of no use since he'll probably have had many drinks with his boss/co workers. Being that he's out of town for the next 2 weeks, I've got to get this working.
On the plus side, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tomorrow evening but even that may be in jeopardy.
I'd just like one thing in my life to go simply and smoothly, is that really too much to ask?
Our agent called at 4:15 and said she needed me to resign our offer immediately because she had had us sign in the wrong place but that the other agent said they were signing tonight and that it was basically a done deal. Well, it's now 8:15 and we haven't heard anything and to be honest, I am really aggravated. It just seems like this whole process has been nothing if not difficult and I'm over it. Either sign or don't sign but the deadline was noon and this is just stupid. Plus about an hour ago, I realized that I didn't notice if this place had AC. Redfin website says it does but our agent thinks it didn't which aggravates me because that's $2,500 right off the bat.
On top of it, the DVR was acting up so I turned off the tv and turned it back on to see if that would fix it and now it just has white static showing up. I tried everything I knew to fix it to no avail and V. is not responding to my text message even though it's after 11pm in DC. By the time he calls me, he'll be of no use since he'll probably have had many drinks with his boss/co workers. Being that he's out of town for the next 2 weeks, I've got to get this working.
On the plus side, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tomorrow evening but even that may be in jeopardy.
I'd just like one thing in my life to go simply and smoothly, is that really too much to ask?
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The Eye of the Storm
This past week has been off the charts. In four days, I looked at 20 houses. So much of it is exhausting - the hope that rises up and then crashes down with everything is yuck or a no go, the effort it takes to schedule and try to arrange for sitters when necessary to see as many houses as possible, trying to corral D. when we're in houses that are not vacant, and then handpicking the top ones and going to see them with V. and family to see if one fits. The big rush is that if we don't find one by tomorrow we're risking having to sell our house and move into a short term rental with hopes of finding a house. Not something I really want to consider with 2 little kids and 2 cats.
Yesterday we set out to look at an additional 3 houses after a disappointing weekend of looking at houses. To compound it all, V. is gone until basically October 12th. Our realtor and I set out yesterday morning and to be honest, I wasn't feeling hopeful. In fact, I had an emotional hangover. Granted I was agonizing over this one property that we really liked but which just felt small. I decided the night before that if this was my consistent impression of this house, I didn't want to walk into it every time for the next 30 years and have that be my first thought. Once I realized that fact and that this was not the right house, I felt good about it until I realized I was back to square one and we had 3 days to make this whole concurrent thing happen.
First place was a bust but then we went to the next place, a place I almost missed in my automated list and had forwarded the night before to the realtor at 10:30 to say "let's look at this". We walked in and my initial thought was wow and I continued moving through it, I kept thinking "this is it, this is the one" which after looking at now over 75 houses I haven't had screaming through my brain. Also turns out that the agent is a long time acquaintance of my realtor and as I was looking through it, she was talking on the phone with him. V. was still in town yesterday and was able to come home early so we grabbed the kids and all went to see. I. was so excited to see the big room that would be her bedroom and watching them run laughing and screaming in the backyard was a dream come true. Well almost a dream come true since it's still not ours. Long story short, we made an offer this morning and sweetened it tonight because there is a cash buyer out there trying to get it but at a low ball price. We'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if we've got it. It may be another Lunesta kind of night and Xanax kind of day. All this not to mention the activities of our house being sold ie. the inspections, appraisal, repair requests, etc., normal life, volunteering at I.'s school, and V. being gone for awhile...
However while the storm swirled around all week, I had a peaceful, joyous moment when I got D. up last night before I went to bed because he was battling a bad diaper rash. I changed him in our room and then impulsively just laid him in bed with me, snuggling him up against me on his side with my arms around him. He took a deep breath of me and instantly fell back asleep and we lay like that for about 30 minutes. He would move around but ultimately ended up on his side, face burrowed in my chest with his arm thrown across me as he dreamed. I lay there awake, smelling the top of his head, listening to his breathing, and feeling the weight of his body against mine. I knew that I was being selfish to keep him with me for half an hour and then put him back to bed because interrupted sleep is no fun (I would know) but with all this craziness, this quietness and reconnecting with D. is just what I needed. It brought us back to those nursing days in the darkness of the late night and early morning. Judging by how relaxed he was and how he didn't even wake up when I put him back in the crib, I don't think it messed up his sleep too much. And for the first time in a couple of weeks, I was able to sleep through the night without Lunesta or constant night terrors. I swear, the only time I have ever slept without nightmares has been when I've been nursing or now it seems, snuggling with my little one right before I go to sleep. That is pretty amazing from a physiological point of view if you think about it.
Prayers that our offer is accepted tomorrow morning and we can be excited without fear of disappointment.
Yesterday we set out to look at an additional 3 houses after a disappointing weekend of looking at houses. To compound it all, V. is gone until basically October 12th. Our realtor and I set out yesterday morning and to be honest, I wasn't feeling hopeful. In fact, I had an emotional hangover. Granted I was agonizing over this one property that we really liked but which just felt small. I decided the night before that if this was my consistent impression of this house, I didn't want to walk into it every time for the next 30 years and have that be my first thought. Once I realized that fact and that this was not the right house, I felt good about it until I realized I was back to square one and we had 3 days to make this whole concurrent thing happen.
First place was a bust but then we went to the next place, a place I almost missed in my automated list and had forwarded the night before to the realtor at 10:30 to say "let's look at this". We walked in and my initial thought was wow and I continued moving through it, I kept thinking "this is it, this is the one" which after looking at now over 75 houses I haven't had screaming through my brain. Also turns out that the agent is a long time acquaintance of my realtor and as I was looking through it, she was talking on the phone with him. V. was still in town yesterday and was able to come home early so we grabbed the kids and all went to see. I. was so excited to see the big room that would be her bedroom and watching them run laughing and screaming in the backyard was a dream come true. Well almost a dream come true since it's still not ours. Long story short, we made an offer this morning and sweetened it tonight because there is a cash buyer out there trying to get it but at a low ball price. We'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if we've got it. It may be another Lunesta kind of night and Xanax kind of day. All this not to mention the activities of our house being sold ie. the inspections, appraisal, repair requests, etc., normal life, volunteering at I.'s school, and V. being gone for awhile...
However while the storm swirled around all week, I had a peaceful, joyous moment when I got D. up last night before I went to bed because he was battling a bad diaper rash. I changed him in our room and then impulsively just laid him in bed with me, snuggling him up against me on his side with my arms around him. He took a deep breath of me and instantly fell back asleep and we lay like that for about 30 minutes. He would move around but ultimately ended up on his side, face burrowed in my chest with his arm thrown across me as he dreamed. I lay there awake, smelling the top of his head, listening to his breathing, and feeling the weight of his body against mine. I knew that I was being selfish to keep him with me for half an hour and then put him back to bed because interrupted sleep is no fun (I would know) but with all this craziness, this quietness and reconnecting with D. is just what I needed. It brought us back to those nursing days in the darkness of the late night and early morning. Judging by how relaxed he was and how he didn't even wake up when I put him back in the crib, I don't think it messed up his sleep too much. And for the first time in a couple of weeks, I was able to sleep through the night without Lunesta or constant night terrors. I swear, the only time I have ever slept without nightmares has been when I've been nursing or now it seems, snuggling with my little one right before I go to sleep. That is pretty amazing from a physiological point of view if you think about it.
Prayers that our offer is accepted tomorrow morning and we can be excited without fear of disappointment.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Swirling
I just don't have the energy to go into all the details of the last week and a half. There just is so much going on and it's no surprise that my dreams and nightmares are alive and well.
To catch up, I had to toe the line of pissing V. off for a couple of weeks until he finally agreed and scheduled time to go visit his dad. Now that his dad's bone cancer is terminal, V. won't deal with it meaning he won't communicate at all with his parents and was balking at going over there. I had to get down and dirty with him and tell him to stop acting like an unfeeling a-hole because I knew he wasn't. Finally he relented and will be visiting for 4 days at the end of this month. Then we will be out there for a couple of days the following weekend for a Giants game and to visit. I just feel so much responsibility for keeping tabs on his family and giving them support. Last week I was on the phone with his parents for awhile, giving support to his mom and making his dad laugh with my outlandish comments. What's interesting is that before I make these kind of calls, you know the ones that may be awkward or uncomfortable because of dire health situations, I'm always anxious because I want to say the right things and not make the other person feel uncomfortable. At this point, people are already very uncomfortable physically and emotionally with all they are dealing with. Somehow though in these situations I put myself in their shoes, send a prayer up to God to help me say the right things at the right time and every single time it's worked out so far. Before you may think I'm tooting my own horn, I'm not because as a rule I'm verbally awkward when I'm not completely comfortable. It's a strange thing and keeps pushing the idea of volunteering with hospice when my kiddos are older.
A momma friend of mine lost her dad last week and it really broke my heart for her. She lost her mom about 8 years ago but thankfully has a great close relationship with her brother. Another reason for having more than one kid! But my heart truly aches for her, I can only imagine her pain since I haven't lost a parent yet. But his quick bout with advanced stage cancer and my father in law's advanced stage cancer brings back many of the memories of when Mark was going through all this.
As of today we are in escrow. We'll see if the third time is a charm. As a result, a very busy week has become even busier because now we have to go looking for houses and quickly. Of course, V.'s travel schedule for the next 3 weeks is insane so the pressure is on me to find the right house for all of us. The good thing is that V. and I have been on the same page for the few homes we have looked at together so I feel pretty confident that I know what he would balk at and what he would like. Still though, I hope he can see a house before we make an offer.
Since Saturday D. has had a stuffy nose, most likely caught a virus from me that I've been fighting off since last Wednesday. Today he woke up and refused to stand or walk and when I would change his diaper or put him on the ground (so I could wipe myself, mind you) he would sob in pain. Horrible! I got a doctor appointment and it looks like the virus moved into his left hip and with some Motrin and time, he hopefully will get better. The scary part was that the doctor told me to watch him for pain or stiffness elsewhere because if it moved to his neck, he could get meningitis. Yeah, just a small thing.
So this week on top of all normal things, we will have 2 doctor's appointments for D. and 2 vet appointments, one each for the cats. Tomorrow morning while D. naps after I take I. to school, I'm going out with our realtor for a search and destroy mission to hopefully find our dream home. While part of me is sad to leave the home that we brought our babies home to, part of me is excited for: a vegetable garden for me and the kiddos, a backyard period, a play structure in the backyard, a gardenia plant, room to run and play in the backyard, a larger kitchen, a pantry/storage space for kitchen stuff, space for a play area for the kiddos in the house for imaginary play (cooking etc.), a future dog, a completely detached house and the privacy that comes with it, putting up Christmas lights and decorations... the list goes on. I am just praying that the right house for us comes on the market in the next couple of weeks. It doesn't have to be perfect, just perfect for us.
To catch up, I had to toe the line of pissing V. off for a couple of weeks until he finally agreed and scheduled time to go visit his dad. Now that his dad's bone cancer is terminal, V. won't deal with it meaning he won't communicate at all with his parents and was balking at going over there. I had to get down and dirty with him and tell him to stop acting like an unfeeling a-hole because I knew he wasn't. Finally he relented and will be visiting for 4 days at the end of this month. Then we will be out there for a couple of days the following weekend for a Giants game and to visit. I just feel so much responsibility for keeping tabs on his family and giving them support. Last week I was on the phone with his parents for awhile, giving support to his mom and making his dad laugh with my outlandish comments. What's interesting is that before I make these kind of calls, you know the ones that may be awkward or uncomfortable because of dire health situations, I'm always anxious because I want to say the right things and not make the other person feel uncomfortable. At this point, people are already very uncomfortable physically and emotionally with all they are dealing with. Somehow though in these situations I put myself in their shoes, send a prayer up to God to help me say the right things at the right time and every single time it's worked out so far. Before you may think I'm tooting my own horn, I'm not because as a rule I'm verbally awkward when I'm not completely comfortable. It's a strange thing and keeps pushing the idea of volunteering with hospice when my kiddos are older.
A momma friend of mine lost her dad last week and it really broke my heart for her. She lost her mom about 8 years ago but thankfully has a great close relationship with her brother. Another reason for having more than one kid! But my heart truly aches for her, I can only imagine her pain since I haven't lost a parent yet. But his quick bout with advanced stage cancer and my father in law's advanced stage cancer brings back many of the memories of when Mark was going through all this.
As of today we are in escrow. We'll see if the third time is a charm. As a result, a very busy week has become even busier because now we have to go looking for houses and quickly. Of course, V.'s travel schedule for the next 3 weeks is insane so the pressure is on me to find the right house for all of us. The good thing is that V. and I have been on the same page for the few homes we have looked at together so I feel pretty confident that I know what he would balk at and what he would like. Still though, I hope he can see a house before we make an offer.
Since Saturday D. has had a stuffy nose, most likely caught a virus from me that I've been fighting off since last Wednesday. Today he woke up and refused to stand or walk and when I would change his diaper or put him on the ground (so I could wipe myself, mind you) he would sob in pain. Horrible! I got a doctor appointment and it looks like the virus moved into his left hip and with some Motrin and time, he hopefully will get better. The scary part was that the doctor told me to watch him for pain or stiffness elsewhere because if it moved to his neck, he could get meningitis. Yeah, just a small thing.
So this week on top of all normal things, we will have 2 doctor's appointments for D. and 2 vet appointments, one each for the cats. Tomorrow morning while D. naps after I take I. to school, I'm going out with our realtor for a search and destroy mission to hopefully find our dream home. While part of me is sad to leave the home that we brought our babies home to, part of me is excited for: a vegetable garden for me and the kiddos, a backyard period, a play structure in the backyard, a gardenia plant, room to run and play in the backyard, a larger kitchen, a pantry/storage space for kitchen stuff, space for a play area for the kiddos in the house for imaginary play (cooking etc.), a future dog, a completely detached house and the privacy that comes with it, putting up Christmas lights and decorations... the list goes on. I am just praying that the right house for us comes on the market in the next couple of weeks. It doesn't have to be perfect, just perfect for us.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Last Days of Summer
The last four days of summer were good, full of fun but went by far too quickly.
Day 74...we went to Meet the Teacher day first thing in the morning so we would have the rest of our day. I. already knows her teacher and likes her and having only 12 children in the class, all of whom she knows from first grade, makes me happy. Especially since those two girls are no longer in the class and won't cause drama. I., D., and I went down to the pool for a while and ate lunch down there too. It was so warm that the cool water felt great and D. had a blast jumping off the stairs over and over again. Thanks to the swim lessons this summer, I. is swimming like a fish now and I no longer have to worry about her looking like she's on the verge of drowning.
Day 75 was Saturday and I. went to a school friend's birthday pool party and had a good time. We finished off the day with our normal linner.
Day 76 we went to the park specifically so that V. could help get I. riding without training wheels. Too bad it was so stinking warm but they persisted and right before I was wondering whether it was actually going to happen, she took off across the grass and even made a turn! I was so proud and she was really excited. I'm glad I insisted that V. participate as part of his father role. It's a day she'll always remember and that makes me happy.
Day 77 was Labor Day and we all went down to our pool for a couple of hours for lunch and swimming. For dinner, we went to a barbecue restaurant because you have to have barbecue for the last day of summer vacation and we don't have a barbecue. Kept thinking the house would sell quickly and it would be one less thing to move so we never bought one. Still keeping the hope alive but some days it's hard.
This was one of our best summers - full of fun activities, new experiences, and good memories. It made it hard for me to have I. go back to school because we did have so much fun but I'd much rather that than feeling relieved that she's gone back. It makes daily weekday life simpler but I miss her, I really do.
Day 74...we went to Meet the Teacher day first thing in the morning so we would have the rest of our day. I. already knows her teacher and likes her and having only 12 children in the class, all of whom she knows from first grade, makes me happy. Especially since those two girls are no longer in the class and won't cause drama. I., D., and I went down to the pool for a while and ate lunch down there too. It was so warm that the cool water felt great and D. had a blast jumping off the stairs over and over again. Thanks to the swim lessons this summer, I. is swimming like a fish now and I no longer have to worry about her looking like she's on the verge of drowning.
Day 75 was Saturday and I. went to a school friend's birthday pool party and had a good time. We finished off the day with our normal linner.
Day 76 we went to the park specifically so that V. could help get I. riding without training wheels. Too bad it was so stinking warm but they persisted and right before I was wondering whether it was actually going to happen, she took off across the grass and even made a turn! I was so proud and she was really excited. I'm glad I insisted that V. participate as part of his father role. It's a day she'll always remember and that makes me happy.
Day 77 was Labor Day and we all went down to our pool for a couple of hours for lunch and swimming. For dinner, we went to a barbecue restaurant because you have to have barbecue for the last day of summer vacation and we don't have a barbecue. Kept thinking the house would sell quickly and it would be one less thing to move so we never bought one. Still keeping the hope alive but some days it's hard.
This was one of our best summers - full of fun activities, new experiences, and good memories. It made it hard for me to have I. go back to school because we did have so much fun but I'd much rather that than feeling relieved that she's gone back. It makes daily weekday life simpler but I miss her, I really do.
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