Post Christmas, Pre-Hibernation

I thought I would write before we descend into the no-computer zone up in Idyllwild tomorrow. I'm looking forward to books, magazines, games, and DVDs at night. Of course, V. will have his new prized possession, his iPad, that I surprised him with for Christmas and that should work up there so we/he won't be completely cut off. The beauty of this hibernation is that it's a furlough week, a week without pay, which means that by law his f-up company cannot contact him. I will take that however I can get it. I got 95% of the packing done today so we can get out of here by late morning which is the strategy because as our Idyllwild luck would have it, there is a snowstorm predicted to hit tomorrow around 4pm. We've been there and done that before, the we-can't-reach-our-cabin-oh-shit moment, and for that reason we always stay as close to the beginning edge of town to try to avoid this. But just to be sure, we are going to try to get there at 2pm before the 40mph wind gusts and snow starts. Believe it or not, it's supposed to feel like 7 below zero by midnight tomorrow. It's going to be pretty doggone cold the whole time we're up there but that's how I like it.

Christmas was a mixed bag. Of course it was good with I. and having V. here for the first time in 3 years. Unfortunately my sister pissed me off several times, almost ruined dinner, and ruined my dessert. She did nothing to help all day and after we (my parents and I) spent 3 hours on dinner and it's almost time to sit down, she starts freaking out trying to find her phone, raising her voice loudly as she wandered the house. I. was having a hard time going to sleep so I told her to get out of the house before I. started calling for me a 4th time. At dinner, she proceeded to cut off 5 pieces of meat, a couple of bites of the sides and shove the remainder of the food onto her bread plate which was right next to my mom's plate. The plate looked like a vomit plate, the way everything was heaped up there. To make matters worse, after she finished her 12 bites of food, she started bugging my mom for more meat, specifically rare meat which there wasn't any left. She kept on until I finally told her to stop harping on my mom and to let her eat her food in peace. Such a bitch. Here's the kicker - when dessert, which consisted of 5 different flavors of cakes, was served everybody took 2 pieces and passed it. She took forever to take 3 pieces and then after everyone finally got a turn, she decided without taking one bite, that she wanted pieces of the other 2 that were left. My dad refused to pass it back down to her, saying that if she wanted more after she was done with what she had she could have some. Well, she threw a tantrum and got up, got 2 more pieces telling my dad that he was a control freak, and sat down. I lost it and told her that she should try making a nice dinner for 3 hours only to have someone throw it all on a "vomit plate" and then make a pig of themselves at dessert and see how well she liked it. I honestly wish she would just disappear - I really hate her. I know that may sound awful to say but after this kind of shit from 14-27 years old, I'm sick of it. Sick of how it ruins our holidays and any get togethers. My only solace is that when my parents are gone, I will have NO problem cutting her out of my life. I've been forced to endure this for so long, too long that when I no longer am required to do so, I will stop without any guilt. I've paid my penance.

V. and I had some time to ourselves to relax and have fun which was nice. This past week I've been so exhausted and it's been great having V. to get I. up in the morning and to help with things around the house. Within 30 minutes of waking up, I'm tired and just not feeling good pretty much until 5pm. It's hard for me to deal with. That's what is good about Idyllwild - no expectations of cleaning, taking care of animals, doing laundry, etc. Yes, I'll make meals and entertain I. but mentally being free of the other stuff really will help. I plan on taking walks in the cold mountain air, breathing in the smell of fireplaces burning, and seeing the forest of trees. I'm looking forward to hibernating.

Well, I Lied

No, I'm not ready to post about things yet. I was wrong. Maybe after the New Year when things have possibly settled down a little but not now.

Today was Christmas Eve and it was a nice day. V. took all 3 girls shopping and I lucked out with a last minute massage after a 30 minute walk at a nearby lake. It felt so good. It felt good to feel good. I came home and made some cranberry scones for our next door neighbors who bring our trashcans in almost every week just to be nice. I told the man how much I appreciated it and didn't expect it and he turned red and start giggling while saying "Ah, it's nothing." It was pretty funny and I felt glad that I did it. Then V. and the girls came home, we rested for about an hour and then headed over to Pick Up Stix for an early dinner. In my family, we always had Chinese food on Christmas Eve so this is my way of carrying on the tradition. It was a fun time and boy did that food taste good!

Now, I'm waiting for the two older girls and V. to go to sleep so that I can do stockings but of course, they are not going to sleep. Last night all 3 of them were ready for bed at 8pm but tonight because I want to be in bed by 10, it's 9:30 and everyone is awake. Wait...okay, the girls just said good night so off I go to get their stuff. I guess I'll do V.'s upstairs in our room when I go up there.

A funny aside - our foster cat had to be moved to our bedroom last night since the girls were here. I put her in the walk-in closet when I went to bed and she was great - no noise or crying until I heard some scratching around 7:15 am. I rolled over to see if I could sleep a little longer, heard no noise, but then felt a thump on the bed and thought "What the heck?" Open my eyes to see that crazy cat sitting on the bed looking at me. Turns out I should add "smart" to her personality description because she figured out how to turn that doorknob and get out!

Holiday Plans

I know, I know, I haven't been posting regularly again. It's not because nothing is going on because everything is going on. It's just that I haven't been ready to post about it. It's one thing to have it on my mind every friggin' minute of the day but to see it in print. Well, that takes a whole 'nother level of coping that I haven't had in my emotional reserves. One step at a time... This morning though I will have to acknowledge things head on, I will have no choice. With this acknowledgement, I think I'll be ready to post about everything. At least I think so, we'll see.

The girls will be arriving tonight with V. to stay through Christmas morning. Tomorrow V. is going to take all 3 of them shopping for me so I'll have some alone time for myself. Probably not for a long period of time but it'll be something. I need to get to the gym tomorrow since it's been crowded out this week (except Tuesday) by things that needed to happen before Christmas.

I'm looking forward to Christmas, the day after Christmas when V. and I will open our presents to each other, and have a date night to ourselves. Then next week we'll be off to Idyllwild for our get away and I am looking forward to it as it gets closer. We have so many good, funny memories of past trips that we reminisce about on the trip up, trips before and after I. I remember that first trip with I. She was all of a month and a half. I remember running between her room and our room 3 times a night to nurse her. I was tired but made it through the day by the sheer joy and wonder of having her. Beautiful memories. This year, I think I. and I will take a hike each afternoon and discover things. Our cabin is supposed to be near one of the famous hiking trails so that should work out nicely. Spending time relaxing and discovering with I. and then evenings spending time relaxing and hanging out with V. Life doesn't get better than that.

A Rare Moment

It's Saturday morning 9:45 and I'm sitting downstairs at the computer by myself. Wow! After being the sole person on parenting duty 24/7 for the last 21 days, it's a real treat to have a moment during the daytime to myself. A moment when I don't feel like I should be doing something else instead. A moment when I can hear myself think, I can enjoy the Christmas music but above all, enjoy all this without feeling alone. Much of the time that I can hear myself think is because I'm alone so it's a bittersweet enjoyment of sorts. But this morning, I can hear I. and V. upstairs in the bed, V. trying to take another nap and I. pretending to take a nap with him. The best of both worlds - hearing my own voice while still hearing the voices of the ones I love. This doesn't happen very often and I am basking in its sound.

I got to sleep in this morning which I needed oh-so-much. The tradeoff was that V., after sleeping by himself for several weeks, has gotten into a bad habit of flipping over mid-air before slamming his body back down on the bed. Most people just turn over, not V. It's akin to a whale breaching and the by product is that every time he "breaches" and lands back on the mattress, my head is bouncing up and down on the pillow which wakes me up. So, although I got to sleep in, it took me longer to fall asleep and then I felt like I was on a boat until he finally got up this morning.

Today we're off to "Lunch With Santa", something that we (I. and I) went to last year and really enjoyed. That's going to be our only event for the day with naptime for V. before and after the event plus probably most of the evening. The good news is that he will not have to go to San Francisco next week and will be working from San Diego and LA so at least he'll be home at night. Tonight will be a discussion of important things to come so that we will finally be on the same page. I won't have the stress of being the only one dealing with future knowledge and I'm hoping that may help with feeling overwhelmed. We'll see how it goes - I'm hoping for the best.

Bone Tired

Today was busy and productive with some high points but right now, I am bone tired. My back is aching up a storm and I've had a headache for the last 5 hours. However, I got all my wrapping finished tonight except for I.'s Santa gift and one of the girls present which is supposed to arrive tomorrow. I also got the rest of the stocking stuffers purchased for the family today. I don't know about you but the stocking stuffers give me the most stress until I actually find them. This year it was a combination of Bath and Body Works, Michael's and Target to complete the task.

I went from dropping I. off at her science camp at 10:30 at her preschool, went to the gym, stopped off at the post office to mail a present, went to Target, and then straight to I.'s preschool to help with Jesus' Birthday Party in her class. Even though I was really tired when I got there, when I walked into her class and I. ran over and through her arms around my legs with a big "Momma!", I forgot my tiredness. At snack time, she saved me a seat right next to her and just kept hugging and kissing me and when it was time to go out on the playground, she still wanted me nearby. That never gets old and I cherish it because I know someday it will change though hopefully not anytime soon. Maybe I'll get really lucky and she'll never hit that stage. I never did with my mom so there is hope.

Hope and Fear

I don't have a happily thereafter story for Media (our foster cat) but there is still hope. She charmed the girl who came to look at her, however, the girl's mom who got her cat from a breeder is not supportive of her daughter getting a rescue cat. She wants the girl to meet with this breeder next weekend to look at her cats. That's frustrating. There are too many cats as there is, with thousands being killed each day, and this woman wants her to go and give business to someone who puts more animals on the earth. If this girl was showing cats, I could understand a little. But she just wants a pet to come home to after work to give love and affection and Media fits the bill perfectly. So, there is hope but I can tell that this mom holds a lot of weight in this girl's life.

Still trying to hold my sanity and household together. It's hard considering all the swirling going on, the uncertainty, the fear, the panic, the worry, the overwhelming-ness of it all. All things considered, I think I'm holding it together pretty well. A lot of deep breaths, repeating of my "everything will be okay" mantra, just keeping focused on the present, and ensuring that I'm going to bed relatively early seem to helping. Part of me thinks things will be better once V. comes home for 2 whole days and part of me is afraid because everything will be real, not just rattling around in my mind and that scares me.

A Christmas Gift for Our Foster Cat

I've got my fingers crossed right now. Last night I got an email that I was cc'd on from the lady who runs the cat adoption agency. The email was from her to a girl who wants to adopt a cat and gave brief details on 4 cats in foster homes who were available for adoption. I decide to take the proverbial bull by the horns and advocate strongly for my foster cat, Media.

I emailed the girl back with pictures of Media and told her how sweet and awesome she was. I was really hoping that I could entice her to come and meet Media and take her home for Christmas so that I didn't have to return her to PetSmart.

This morning there was an email from the girl saying Media sounded great and that she wanted to come and meet her. I'm going to call her from the gym this morning (while I. is still in Kids' Club) and find out when she can come over. I just know that once she meets her and sees how loving Media is, she'll most likely fall in love and want to adopt her. Wouldn't that be a wonderful Christmas gift for Media? That really would make my day/month/year! Talk about making a difference in an animal's life.

Fingers crossed!