It's Beginning to Descend

This morning V. had to go in to work so it was just me and his parents for the morning. It was nice for 3 adults to be reading different sections of several papers and sharing interesting tidbits - I really have missed consistent, adult conversations.

That thought process led me to a sad downhill that tomorrow at 11am., I. and I will be dropping everyone off at the airport and will then be on our own again for a month. Days, I can do - I. and I have each other and we can have fun and create our own routine, but once she goes to bed, the long nights will be there for me. I've enjoyed having the adult company around as long as no one takes it personally when I need to pull the rip cord and disappear for a little while. I've especially enjoyed having this new and improved version of V., the one that I'm so scared is going to disappear once he leaves. I went to my therapist today and heard some of what went on at his appt. with her (since I'm officially still the patient) and it was pretty amazing and explained some of what I was seeing in him. I think I know what I can do to help us while he's gone and after our discussion tonight, I think we are better equipped for this separation. We'll see though, and that's the stress.

Regardless, tomorrow will be another day of loss for I. and I. It breaks my heart to see her face crumble as people she loves leave her again for a long time. How do I make it okay for her when it's not okay? I tell her that we have each other and that we will do fun things and love and snuggle each other but even I know it's not enough to cover the loss but what can I do? It's frustrating, heartbreaking, and adds to my sadness and anger that I can't make it better for her or I for that matter. I'm dealing with so much grief already but when I. sobs in my arms, not wanting anyone else to comfort her or see her crying (just like me), I almost lose it and just sob with her. She's so much like me - tough on the exterior but so soft in the interior if you can get in there. God help me in the present and in the future for I.'s sake.