Mixed Bag This Week

The last two days of been full of conflicting emotions - joy, worry, contentedness, anxiety.  Thank goodness for the good stuff because the other stuff has been a real bummer.

On the good side of things, I. has been in a more positive mood this week and we continue on with our attitude of gratitude which has been really good and I think has softened her heart towards me and is developing a better relationship between us.  That makes me happy and it also helps greatly when I do need to discipline her.  Most of the time my approach is more gentle and she accepts it better.  Today I purposely built in time to play with D. and it was great.  We played cars for awhile and then played with his kitchen table set which he loves.  I enjoyed showing him how he could put his favorite animals at the table and pretend to make food for them and serve them.  It was neat to see him "get it" and really enjoy this new imaginative play.  What is amazing is how he will play by himself happily for long periods of time.  I had heard about kids like this but never had experienced it.  I can be doing something and he'll be happily playing in the same room or the next room.  Even tonight when I went upstairs to put I. in the shower, he came upstairs and was playing but came and told me that he wanted to go downstairs and play.  So he played downstairs with his garbage truck and car for at least 20 minutes until I went down and brought him up for a bath.  Amazing!

Still so thankful for our house...we love our bunnies in the front grass in the morning and at bedtime and a little family of birds in the backyard in the afternoon.  The kiddos and I ate a strawberry a piece off of our little plants for dessert and it was so sweet in many different ways.

I don't want to dwell on the bad stuff, just want to get it out of my brain so here it is:

• Parents' dire financial situation
• Feeling the need to insert myself into a situation between my brother and my parents
• My older cat having possible seizures possibly due to his chronic kidney disease/failure (will know more when I talk to the vet on Saturday)

I know there are only three but that first one has become a real doozy.  It probably wouldn't stress me out as much if we hadn't reduced our own savings account greatly when we bought our home and I felt like I had more latitude in helping them out.  I swear their situation has got to get better and soon.

Vegas And Surprises

At Christmas, I surprised V. with a Vegas trip this past long weekend for his Christmas/birthday present.  We left on Friday, came home this afternoon.  The kiddos enjoyed their time with my parents and we enjoyed our adult time in Vegas, our first since right before I was pregnant with D. in 2010.

Of the last 3 Vegas trips which would take us back to 2007 (I think), this one was the best because V. and I were on the same page.  I won't go into details but there just weren't any Mr. Individual episodes which have got him into trouble in the past.  Again, another example of D. healing us.

I was really missing the kiddos while we were gone, especially D.  I know that sounds really bad but I thought about it and this is why.  I. is already in school all day long and I have already gone through a grieving process with not getting to spend very much time with her during the week so it's not as drastic a change as with D. who I spend most of the day with.  And since he really isn't quite the 2 year old that my intense daughter was, I really enjoy his company instead of looking forward to getting breaks from the intensity.  I also miss that time at night when we snuggle together in the rocking chair, talk about the day and sing together.  We may not be nursing but this skin to skin, together time is still our own time, to reconnect and move into sleep.

About 2 weeks ago, I got the potty seats out from the garage and set them up much to D.'s excitement.  Since he's not even 2 1/2, it was just an exercise to get comfortable with what they were especially because D. became very interested in the potty book and his best little friend is now officially using the potty which is of interest to him.  So for a couple of weeks he's been sitting on it off and on enjoying the novelty of it.  My main goal was to teach him how to sit on it properly and to position his wee wee (yes, I know it's not politically correct but I can teach him the alternative name for it when he's 5) behind the hat (as I've nicknamed the pee guard).  I mean come on, I'm a girl what the heck do I know about these things?! 

Well, in just a couple of days he mastered the "push the wee wee behind the hat" but was like a jack in a box - sit for 3 seconds, up for 3 seconds etc.  I figured he had at least learned how to sit on it so that was a step in the right direction. 

We all get home tonight and after bath he saw the potty (for the first time in 4 days) and said he wanted to go potty.  He sat himself down properly and he and I hung out there talking about how his eyes got soap in them and were burning.  He actually sat there for almost a minute because he was distracted.  Then I told him he had better go have Daddy put his PJs on if he wanted read time with Daddy so he stood up to go find him.  I glanced in the potty and lo and behold there was a bunch of pee in there!  There was a big family celebration with a ceremonial pour into the big potty and D. was so excited.  I can't believe it.  Tonight he said he is going to tell his music class that he went pee pee in the potty.  Fingers crossed that there is hope that D. is easy to potty train.  God knows I deserve it as a reward for my patience with I.'s potty training marathon.

New Year's Thoughts

It's been a long while since I posted.  Moving in was a busy process as was trying to unpack and address house issues while maintaining normalcy for the kids.  A true juggling act.

House issues withstanding, it's been nice to have the extra room indoors, separate bedrooms for the kids, and space outside to play, plant and just roam.  This year we didn't head to Idyllwild for the holidays for the first time in 10+ years.  With recent cash outlays, we decided that a stay-cation might be best especially since V. is gone M-F.

To catch up since we've moved in, D. started talking a lot.  He loves to sing with me at naptime and bedtime, "You are my sunshine" and "Twinkle twinkle little star".  But now we are able to have conversations about things that happened during the day or just things in general.  It's amazing to watch him pause to think of how to say something and his love of books has exploded.  It's become one of his favorite things now.  He now has moved into swim classes by himself which makes my heart sad but so proud as I watch him excel on his own.

I. is doing great in school.  We've been having some challenges at home but I'm hoping that may get better with a combination of things.  She loves her daddy and her brother that is for certain and I think she may love her mommy but that is not quite so certain thanks to my "enforcer" status.

With a new year on the horizon, I've been thinking about a goal for 2014.  This is the one that jumped to the front of my mind:  expressing appreciation/gratitude/thanks.  I read something that said that in order for children to learn this trait, they really need to see it modeled.  Since this is definitely not a trait that V. shares, it's up to me to model it for my kids and it happens to be a major character trait I'd like to see in my kids.  One idea I had was taking a stack of post it notes and labeling them "I appreciate/thank you for" and having them out for all of us to write short notes of appreciation to each other daily or throughout the week to develop an attitude of gratitude.  I'm hoping it will help.

I.'s school is going to start a book club in the new year with a book called, "The Christian Parenting Handbook" by Dr. Scott Turanksy and Joanne Miller, RN BSN.  They announced it in the weekly newsletter and I read an excerpt on Amazon and it really spoke to me.  I think it will be vastly helpful so I ordered it and look forward to reading it and applying what I learn.  That's always the hard part right, applying what you read. 

A good start to a new year.

It's Official

It's official that I am close to losing my mind.  Two escrows going on at one time, both with various issues and fires that need to be put out.  One sick toddler.  One moody grade schooler.  Details and coordinations coming out my wazoo.  My wazoo is tired.

It's also official that in my next life if I enter the home buying process, I'm coming back as my husband who has not had to do one iota of the details to get this to happen.  Not including of course the most important thing which is bringing home the bacon.  I get it.  But let me marinate in my bitterness. 

He can't even make it for signing the loan docs I mean COME ON! It's not that he doesn't care or maybe he really doesn't care but not in a bad way.  In the way of "I'm working 80 hours with my own problems that you don't have to solve so please take care of the home decisions that are WAY more important to you than they are to me."  Still.  And last night he really stepped in it and started laughing at my very first status report making me feel like I was a naïve, gullible idiot who just fell for the biggest trick in the book.  I cut this man a lot of slack sometimes and we use a lot of humor to diffuse situations but he just made me mad, damn mad.  And when I heard his voice this morning when I. was talking to him on the phone on her way to school, I was still mad.  Come to think of it, I'm mad now and he hasn't even called for the night.  I feel alone in this overwhelming process and as of last night, I feel like my partner thinks I'm falling for every scheme in the book.  The sad thing was I was going to tell him all the deals I got thanks to much research and conniving.

We'll see what happens tonight. 

Quick Update

After going to bed pissed off and waking up wondering what the heck the day would bring, my phone rang at 8:45 and it was our realtor telling us we got the house.  I'm excited but still holding my breath because we still have the appraisal hurdle for the house we are selling.  At the earliest we may get the report tomorrow.  If not, then Monday.  Regardless, we are forging ahead with our home inspection of our purchase Saturday morning.  I'll take the kiddos with me once the now sick D. wakes up from morning nap and Sunday my parents are going to come over to go see our new home with me and the kiddos.  Even though it is in move in ready condition, there are still things that have to be done and coordinated and measured, ie. window coverings before we move in, hopefully a month from now. 

My head is swirling and I am really trying to organize things but it's difficult.  I was supposed to go to dinner with a momma friend tonight but the sitter cancelled at 3pm and with V. being gone for 2 weeks, I'm stuck.  Really sucks because I could have used some fun and relaxation with all this that is going on. 

Fingers crossed for the appraisal report and acceptance.

On the family front, D. is sick with a cold but we went to the zoo for a short time today anyways for distraction.  I. got put in the doghouse for her attitude and behavior - still struggling to navigate her.

Really Aggravated

We heard from the other agent that he sent our revised offer and letter but that the client would be in meetings until 3pm.  The appraiser came at 9am for our place and let us know in no uncertain terms that the most recent 3 bedroom comp in our complex aka the fire sale was going to hurt our appraisal.  These jerk offs listed it for $365K and sold it for the same in one day.  No big surprise since the 2 bedrooms in our complex are going for $385K.  What an asshole.  So now we will have to wait until at least Friday to find out if we're going to be in trouble with selling this place.

Our agent called at 4:15 and said she needed me to resign our offer immediately because she had had us sign in the wrong place but that the other agent said they were signing tonight and that it was basically a done deal.  Well, it's now 8:15 and we haven't heard anything and to be honest, I am really aggravated.  It just seems like this whole process has been nothing if not difficult and I'm over it.  Either sign or don't sign but the deadline was noon and this is just stupid.  Plus about an hour ago, I realized that I didn't notice if this place had AC.  Redfin website says it does but our agent thinks it didn't which aggravates me because that's $2,500 right off the bat.

On top of it, the DVR was acting up so I turned off the tv and turned it back on to see if that would fix it and now it just has white static showing up.  I tried everything I knew to fix it to no avail and V. is not responding to my text message even though it's after 11pm in DC.  By the time he calls me, he'll be of no use since he'll probably have had many drinks with his boss/co workers.  Being that he's out of town for the next 2 weeks, I've got to get this working.

On the plus side, I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tomorrow evening but even that may be in jeopardy. 

I'd just like one thing in my life to go simply and smoothly, is that really too much to ask?

The Eye of the Storm

This past week has been off the charts.  In four days, I looked at 20 houses.  So much of it is exhausting - the hope that rises up and then crashes down with everything is yuck or a no go, the effort it takes to schedule and try to arrange for sitters when necessary to see as many houses as possible, trying to corral D. when we're in houses that are not vacant, and then handpicking the top ones and going to see them with V. and family to see if one fits.  The big rush is that if we don't find one by tomorrow we're risking having to sell our house and move into a short term rental with hopes of finding a house.  Not something I really want to consider with 2 little kids and 2 cats.

Yesterday we set out to look at an additional 3 houses after a disappointing weekend of looking at houses.   To compound it all, V. is gone until basically October 12th.  Our realtor and I set out yesterday morning and to be honest, I wasn't feeling hopeful.  In fact, I had an emotional hangover.  Granted I was agonizing over this one property that we really liked but which just felt small.  I decided the night before that if this was my consistent impression of this house, I didn't want to walk into it every time for the next 30 years and have that be my first thought.  Once I realized that fact and that this was not the right house, I felt good about it until I realized I was back to square one and we had 3 days to make this whole concurrent thing happen.

First place was a bust but then we went to the next place, a place I almost missed in my automated list and had forwarded the night before to the realtor at 10:30 to say "let's look at this". We walked in and my initial thought was wow and I continued moving through it, I kept thinking "this is it, this is the one" which after looking at now over 75 houses I haven't had screaming through my brain.  Also turns out that the agent is a long time acquaintance of my realtor and as I was looking through it, she was talking on the phone with him.   V. was still in town yesterday and was able to come home early so we grabbed the kids and all went to see.  I. was so excited to see the big room that would be her bedroom and watching them run laughing and screaming in the backyard was a dream come true.  Well almost a dream come true since it's still not ours.  Long story short, we made an offer this morning and sweetened it tonight because there is a cash buyer out there trying to get it but at a low ball price.  We'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if we've got it.  It may be another Lunesta kind of night and Xanax kind of day.  All this not to mention the activities of our house being sold ie. the inspections, appraisal, repair requests, etc., normal life, volunteering at I.'s school, and V. being gone for awhile...

However while the storm swirled around all week, I had a peaceful, joyous moment when I got D. up last night before I went to bed because he was battling a bad diaper rash.  I changed him in our room and then impulsively just laid him in bed with me, snuggling him up against me on his side with my arms around him.  He took a deep breath of me and instantly fell back asleep and we lay like that for about 30 minutes.  He would move around but ultimately ended up on his side, face burrowed in my chest with his arm thrown across me as he dreamed.  I lay there awake, smelling the top of his head, listening to his breathing, and feeling the weight of his body against mine.  I knew that I was being selfish to keep him with me for half an hour and then put him back to bed because interrupted sleep is no fun (I would know) but with all this craziness, this quietness and reconnecting with D. is just what I needed.  It brought us back to those nursing days in the darkness of the late night and early morning.  Judging by how relaxed he was and how he didn't even wake up when I put him back in the crib, I don't think it messed up his sleep too much.  And for the first time in a couple of weeks, I was able to sleep through the night without Lunesta or constant night terrors.  I swear, the only time I have ever slept without nightmares has been when I've been nursing or now it seems, snuggling with my little one right before I go to sleep.  That is pretty amazing from a physiological point of view if you think about it. 

Prayers that our offer is accepted tomorrow morning and we can be excited without fear of disappointment.