Here are the lessons I've learned from the first semi-week of I.'s school:
1. I still enjoy my alone time.
Did I miss I. terribly? Yes. But did I REALLY enjoy the alone time I had? Absolutely! Whether it was relaxing, talking on the phone, reading, doing grocery shopping or things around the house, I had the freedom to do what I wanted to/needed to in whatever order I wished without a questionner in the backseat. I am already planning social and personal things weeks in advance. It's been almost 4 years since I have been able to do this!
2. This time apart reenergizes me and makes me appreciate I.'s and my time together.
I guess this is one of those situations where "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" kind of things. But today after 2 days of school, I was looking forward to enjoying time with I., just the 2 of us. If it was up to I., she would be going to school every day, that's how much she loves it, which is good news and bad news for me, the momma. But today, we had a leisurely morning, did some work around the house, went to our pool, and then to a playdate for I. that also included a much needed massage for me. I really enjoyed the time we played and spent together and I. did too so maybe school is helping with taking each other for granted.
3. Pre-school is exactly what I. needs right now.
She is ready and excited and that is how I want her to approach school. I want so much for her to be confident, strong and able to handle all the cruelties that school brings. I know, I shouldn't be so negative but I know how little girls are already at this age. I talked with her the night before school that somebody may be mean to her (something she has never experienced thus far in her 3.5 years) and how she just needs to walk away and find the children that are kind to her. It breaks my heart to have to say this to her but better she is prepared that it may happen than not be prepared and be totally shocked at school.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I.'s First Day of Preschool
So, surprise, surprise, I made it through today without any tears. I. was so jazzed about school this morning that I couldn't help but get caught up in it. Here's I. waiting for us to take her to school:
When we went to leave, she gave me a hug and a big smile and pushed V. out of the room so I guess I did my job well.
I picked her up in a blink of the eye and she loved school as I knew she would. She had so much to talk about, all the new experiences, and when we read about all the fun things happening in the upcoming weeks, she was so excited that she gave me a hug. The most amazing thing to me, the person who has had to suffer through the painful potty training process of the last 3 months, I. STAYED DRY THE WHOLE AFTERNOON! I was hoping that would be the case but didn't think it would actually occur. I keep my fingers crossed that this wasn't just a first day fluke!
When we went to leave, she gave me a hug and a big smile and pushed V. out of the room so I guess I did my job well.
I picked her up in a blink of the eye and she loved school as I knew she would. She had so much to talk about, all the new experiences, and when we read about all the fun things happening in the upcoming weeks, she was so excited that she gave me a hug. The most amazing thing to me, the person who has had to suffer through the painful potty training process of the last 3 months, I. STAYED DRY THE WHOLE AFTERNOON! I was hoping that would be the case but didn't think it would actually occur. I keep my fingers crossed that this wasn't just a first day fluke!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
My Note Tonight To I.
About 2 years ago, I started writing in a notebook random thoughts and more momentous events to I. Tonight, on the eve of her first day of preschool after not writing since Mother's Day, this is what I wrote:
"I haven't written you in awhile baby girl because I've had a really bad summer. Daddy was gone in Saudi Arabia and Mommy's best friend Mark died. You were with me for the last visit when he was able to walk around. Each time we visited Mark this year, I was so proud of your acceptance of him, despite the tubes and his emaciated appearance or whether we were visiting him at the hospital or at home. You always showed compassion to him - bringing his slippers and putting them on his feet, sharing your grapes happily with him, and always willing to give him a big hug goodbye when it was time to leave. My heart swells at what an awesome, little human being you already are.
Tonight is the night before your first day of preschool and while I'm so very excited for you, I'm really sad that tomorrow will begin all the realities that will separate us from each other. I know it will be so good for you and that I've done a great job preparing you. I could see that when we went and met your teacher and also during the orientation. You were so jazzed and stood up straight when you answered her questions, instead of hiding silently - it is your turn to shine. Your bucket you made is gorgeous and you will be so proud to take it to school with you tomorrow.
While I will only show my joy for you tomorrow, as you read this know that I will be crying as soon as you enter that classroom, just as I am crying now, because I will miss you. You may drive me crazy at times, but more often than not, you make the moments of my day better - happier, funnier, sillier, and more loving. Without you there, it will be more quiet and relaxing but just not nearly as much fun. I look forward to all the days taht you're not in school because we will have such fun together. I love you Isabella and you will always be my baby girl.
Love,
Momma"
"I haven't written you in awhile baby girl because I've had a really bad summer. Daddy was gone in Saudi Arabia and Mommy's best friend Mark died. You were with me for the last visit when he was able to walk around. Each time we visited Mark this year, I was so proud of your acceptance of him, despite the tubes and his emaciated appearance or whether we were visiting him at the hospital or at home. You always showed compassion to him - bringing his slippers and putting them on his feet, sharing your grapes happily with him, and always willing to give him a big hug goodbye when it was time to leave. My heart swells at what an awesome, little human being you already are.
Tonight is the night before your first day of preschool and while I'm so very excited for you, I'm really sad that tomorrow will begin all the realities that will separate us from each other. I know it will be so good for you and that I've done a great job preparing you. I could see that when we went and met your teacher and also during the orientation. You were so jazzed and stood up straight when you answered her questions, instead of hiding silently - it is your turn to shine. Your bucket you made is gorgeous and you will be so proud to take it to school with you tomorrow.
While I will only show my joy for you tomorrow, as you read this know that I will be crying as soon as you enter that classroom, just as I am crying now, because I will miss you. You may drive me crazy at times, but more often than not, you make the moments of my day better - happier, funnier, sillier, and more loving. Without you there, it will be more quiet and relaxing but just not nearly as much fun. I look forward to all the days taht you're not in school because we will have such fun together. I love you Isabella and you will always be my baby girl.
Love,
Momma"
Finally, A Really Great Day!
Yesterday was a truly great day in our household. Did something major occur? No, but a bunch of the little things that I enjoy and have missed did and that was SO much better than any big thing. Disneyland wouldn't have even come close.
We started Labor Day with a leisurely morning and then went to the cooler coastline for I.'s first miniature golfing experience. She was stoked and we all had a great time. It was just so neat to see her enjoy a "big girl" experience and teach her something new.
After we golfed, I. surpisingly said she was hungry. Imagine that, I. hungry! So we went to Fidel's, one of our favorite restaurant just around the corner, where I. had a full lunch and V. and I had an appetizer and margaritas. Talked turned to Las Vegas, past and future memories and it was alot of fun. Then home for resttime and then onto our Labor Day BBQ. Since I. goes to bed so early, it's rare for us to have dinner all together (except for regular Saturday "linner") and getting to eat outside makes it a real treat for I. On top of that, I. had strawberry ice cream for dessert so it was a great time for all of us.
After I. went to bed, V. and I enjoyed a movie and then a little something-something afterwards. I swear, it felt like we fit several days worth of good stuff into one day without feeling rushed - it just flowed and it was really nice.
Here's the analogy that has run through my mind all day and seems to capture how I felt yesterday. Imagine you broke your ribs, an injury for which nothing can help except time and rest. An injury that causes excruciating, sharp, constant pain that causes you not to be able to take in a deep breath of life-sustaining air. Then after a long period of time, one day you are able to take in a full breath of air without the stabbing pain in your side. That was today for me and even if tomorrow or future days have rough moments, I'll thank God that I've felt this relief for one day because it holds the promise of the days to come.
We started Labor Day with a leisurely morning and then went to the cooler coastline for I.'s first miniature golfing experience. She was stoked and we all had a great time. It was just so neat to see her enjoy a "big girl" experience and teach her something new.
After we golfed, I. surpisingly said she was hungry. Imagine that, I. hungry! So we went to Fidel's, one of our favorite restaurant just around the corner, where I. had a full lunch and V. and I had an appetizer and margaritas. Talked turned to Las Vegas, past and future memories and it was alot of fun. Then home for resttime and then onto our Labor Day BBQ. Since I. goes to bed so early, it's rare for us to have dinner all together (except for regular Saturday "linner") and getting to eat outside makes it a real treat for I. On top of that, I. had strawberry ice cream for dessert so it was a great time for all of us.
After I. went to bed, V. and I enjoyed a movie and then a little something-something afterwards. I swear, it felt like we fit several days worth of good stuff into one day without feeling rushed - it just flowed and it was really nice.
Here's the analogy that has run through my mind all day and seems to capture how I felt yesterday. Imagine you broke your ribs, an injury for which nothing can help except time and rest. An injury that causes excruciating, sharp, constant pain that causes you not to be able to take in a deep breath of life-sustaining air. Then after a long period of time, one day you are able to take in a full breath of air without the stabbing pain in your side. That was today for me and even if tomorrow or future days have rough moments, I'll thank God that I've felt this relief for one day because it holds the promise of the days to come.
Friday, September 4, 2009
One Up, One Down
The situation with my mom's group appears to be on its way to being resolved as someone stepped up and into the role as organizer with all of our help and support. So that's good.
Unfortuntely, I injured myself at the gym yesterday morning and after 24 hours of significant pain, I went to Urgent Care this morning and was told that I most likely had ripped a tendon connected to my right shoulder (my writing hand), put in a sling, with major doses of ibuprofen and muscle relaxers for tonight. Last night's sleep was not good - every time I moved the pain shocked me awake.
So poor V. walks into this nightmare last night but seems to be handling it okay. He comes home to having to help his wife undress for the shower, then dress after the shower. I keep teasing him this is a preview of things to come though actually, it's just a payback of sorts from when V. ruptured his Achilles' tendon and I was his Florence Nightingdale. I usually complain about the timing of things in my life, but I am thankful because I don't know how I would put bras and shirts on at this point. So for once, I think I actually had timing work out for me. That's the bright side of the painful, lousy situation.
Unfortuntely, I injured myself at the gym yesterday morning and after 24 hours of significant pain, I went to Urgent Care this morning and was told that I most likely had ripped a tendon connected to my right shoulder (my writing hand), put in a sling, with major doses of ibuprofen and muscle relaxers for tonight. Last night's sleep was not good - every time I moved the pain shocked me awake.
So poor V. walks into this nightmare last night but seems to be handling it okay. He comes home to having to help his wife undress for the shower, then dress after the shower. I keep teasing him this is a preview of things to come though actually, it's just a payback of sorts from when V. ruptured his Achilles' tendon and I was his Florence Nightingdale. I usually complain about the timing of things in my life, but I am thankful because I don't know how I would put bras and shirts on at this point. So for once, I think I actually had timing work out for me. That's the bright side of the painful, lousy situation.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
You've Got to Be Kidding Me
I went onto my Momma's message board and guess what? There were posts from all 3 of the organizers saying they were leaving the group, thus rendering it defunct as of February, when the dues ran out. Are you fucking kidding me?
Last night, I just finished synching our calendar for the next 2 months with all the events with this Momma's group just in time to find out that they are all gone and the rug has now been effectively pulled out from underneath us. Just add this to all my other losses.
Here's what I posted:
"I don't know about the rest of you Mommas but I have to admit, I'm a LITTLE pissed off with the recent, abrupt defections. While I still care about and appreciate all 3 Mommas, I'm not ready to ditch the events and friendships of this group. I don't know about you, but between losing my best friend, having my hubby gone most of the time, and now Isabella going to preschool, I cannot handle any more losses right now. So let's grab the fuckin' rug and put it under ourselves once again. Let's start brainstorming, stepping up to bat, and figuring out how to make this work. Yeah, we all have different preschool schedules but that doesn't stop our posting communications, MNOs, and various weekly get togethers. Just because we can no longer get together 3 times a week due to preschool schedules does not mean that we can no longer have a working group.If necessary, I will find out how to get access to posting events on Meetup from one of our past Organizers and then maybe we'll just do this as a coop, everyone chipping in to continue the friendships with our kids' friends and our friends. It's seemed to kinda evolve into that the last few months anyway.With that being said, who's in with me?"
I'll be interested to see what tomorrow brings. Again timing is impeccable; just more loss.
Last night, I just finished synching our calendar for the next 2 months with all the events with this Momma's group just in time to find out that they are all gone and the rug has now been effectively pulled out from underneath us. Just add this to all my other losses.
Here's what I posted:
"I don't know about the rest of you Mommas but I have to admit, I'm a LITTLE pissed off with the recent, abrupt defections. While I still care about and appreciate all 3 Mommas, I'm not ready to ditch the events and friendships of this group. I don't know about you, but between losing my best friend, having my hubby gone most of the time, and now Isabella going to preschool, I cannot handle any more losses right now. So let's grab the fuckin' rug and put it under ourselves once again. Let's start brainstorming, stepping up to bat, and figuring out how to make this work. Yeah, we all have different preschool schedules but that doesn't stop our posting communications, MNOs, and various weekly get togethers. Just because we can no longer get together 3 times a week due to preschool schedules does not mean that we can no longer have a working group.If necessary, I will find out how to get access to posting events on Meetup from one of our past Organizers and then maybe we'll just do this as a coop, everyone chipping in to continue the friendships with our kids' friends and our friends. It's seemed to kinda evolve into that the last few months anyway.With that being said, who's in with me?"
I'll be interested to see what tomorrow brings. Again timing is impeccable; just more loss.
Bittersweet
This week I. and I spent some really good time together and went to a couple of preschool functions too. First, we went and met her teacher and had some one on one time with her. Even though I am/was so excited for I., I have to admit that watching her play on her preschool playground made me tear up. I know she is going to have the BEST time, that this is her time to start shining, and I'm proud that much of this is because I prepared her well. Yes, me - the parent who has been with her 24/7, feeding her body, soul, and mind. Not to discount what V. contributes but let's be honest, he's been gone for most of her life due to shitty job assignments that started back when she was 3 months old.
Regardless of the pride I felt, I still feel a major catch in my throat. I sat in today's orientation, half of it separated from our children, and as I listened to the director talk, I teared up but vowed not to break down crying but it was really hard. This is my child, my only child, waving goodbye to me as she passes to her next world and I have to be honest, it feels like Mark leaving me to pass onto another world, and V. leaving me as he goes back into his work world. I just feel continually left behind. It's just another bad timing issue that all these things have to come to pass at the same time and I'll just have to deal with it. I foresee a lot of solitary crying sessions, vodka tonics, and basically, just hanging in there.
On a happier note, we got I.'s bucket to transport all her school papers etc. back and forth and even though I am a noncreative person, we did a bang-up job on her bucket. We are both so excited about this thing. Here's some pics of it:
I've always had a problem with timing in my life and right now is no exception. V. just got back tonight and here I am bleeding like a stucked pig and this morning I injured myself at the gym to the point, where V. had to help me undress before my shower and dress after my shower and I may need to go tomorrow and have my arm put in a sling in order for it to heal more quickly. This is what V. returns home to after a month away. How pathetic! Plus, I. is sick with a cold. On top of this, I counted out the days and I'll most likely be starting my period the day we leave for Vegas for a 3 night getaway next month. I may have to intervene for that trip because this month I was really sick with cramps, nausea, and a migraine for the first day so if I can figure out how to use leftover birth control pills to delay or skip next month's period, I just might do that.
Regardless of the pride I felt, I still feel a major catch in my throat. I sat in today's orientation, half of it separated from our children, and as I listened to the director talk, I teared up but vowed not to break down crying but it was really hard. This is my child, my only child, waving goodbye to me as she passes to her next world and I have to be honest, it feels like Mark leaving me to pass onto another world, and V. leaving me as he goes back into his work world. I just feel continually left behind. It's just another bad timing issue that all these things have to come to pass at the same time and I'll just have to deal with it. I foresee a lot of solitary crying sessions, vodka tonics, and basically, just hanging in there.
On a happier note, we got I.'s bucket to transport all her school papers etc. back and forth and even though I am a noncreative person, we did a bang-up job on her bucket. We are both so excited about this thing. Here's some pics of it:
I've always had a problem with timing in my life and right now is no exception. V. just got back tonight and here I am bleeding like a stucked pig and this morning I injured myself at the gym to the point, where V. had to help me undress before my shower and dress after my shower and I may need to go tomorrow and have my arm put in a sling in order for it to heal more quickly. This is what V. returns home to after a month away. How pathetic! Plus, I. is sick with a cold. On top of this, I counted out the days and I'll most likely be starting my period the day we leave for Vegas for a 3 night getaway next month. I may have to intervene for that trip because this month I was really sick with cramps, nausea, and a migraine for the first day so if I can figure out how to use leftover birth control pills to delay or skip next month's period, I just might do that.
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