Bittersweet

This week I. and I spent some really good time together and went to a couple of preschool functions too. First, we went and met her teacher and had some one on one time with her. Even though I am/was so excited for I., I have to admit that watching her play on her preschool playground made me tear up. I know she is going to have the BEST time, that this is her time to start shining, and I'm proud that much of this is because I prepared her well. Yes, me - the parent who has been with her 24/7, feeding her body, soul, and mind. Not to discount what V. contributes but let's be honest, he's been gone for most of her life due to shitty job assignments that started back when she was 3 months old.

Regardless of the pride I felt, I still feel a major catch in my throat. I sat in today's orientation, half of it separated from our children, and as I listened to the director talk, I teared up but vowed not to break down crying but it was really hard. This is my child, my only child, waving goodbye to me as she passes to her next world and I have to be honest, it feels like Mark leaving me to pass onto another world, and V. leaving me as he goes back into his work world. I just feel continually left behind. It's just another bad timing issue that all these things have to come to pass at the same time and I'll just have to deal with it. I foresee a lot of solitary crying sessions, vodka tonics, and basically, just hanging in there.

On a happier note, we got I.'s bucket to transport all her school papers etc. back and forth and even though I am a noncreative person, we did a bang-up job on her bucket. We are both so excited about this thing. Here's some pics of it:

I've always had a problem with timing in my life and right now is no exception. V. just got back tonight and here I am bleeding like a stucked pig and this morning I injured myself at the gym to the point, where V. had to help me undress before my shower and dress after my shower and I may need to go tomorrow and have my arm put in a sling in order for it to heal more quickly. This is what V. returns home to after a month away. How pathetic! Plus, I. is sick with a cold. On top of this, I counted out the days and I'll most likely be starting my period the day we leave for Vegas for a 3 night getaway next month. I may have to intervene for that trip because this month I was really sick with cramps, nausea, and a migraine for the first day so if I can figure out how to use leftover birth control pills to delay or skip next month's period, I just might do that.

Oh the joys of being a woman!