Dear SDGE,
I wanted to tell you just how much I appreciated another power outage last night. Though I know you don't care how every failure on your part to deliver the energy that we pay so dearly for directly affects our household, I thought I'd tell you anyway.
When the power goes off for the entire night, not just a couple of hours, it causes problems in my household. First of all, all children's nightlights are extinguished which in the world of a child is a very big deal. Then the fan which moves the air around the room turns off leading to a very stuffy room, not conducive for falling back asleep. Finally, it results in the white noise machine shutting off. What that leaves me with is a 5 year old's silent, stuffy, and pitch black room.
And of course, this 5 year old happens to wake up right at 2am when I am nursing her 2 month old brother. Since I'm the only one on night duty, I had to go into her room to soothe her quietly with a baby hanging off my...(well you don't need to know all about that) and tell her that she just had to go back to sleep, everything is okay. It was a hard sell and I was very lucky that she took it with the least amount of fuss.
Problem was that the 2 month took this talking of mine to mean that this wasn't merely a middle of the night feeding, it was a wake up/stay up feeding which did not bode well for me. I couldn't let him cry it out a little to wear himself out because may I remind you, the 5 year old had no white noise machine and his crying would have triggered her calling for me and oh that would have been very bad indeed.
So instead, I had to keep repositioning him every 10 minutes or so since he inchworms himself somehow fully swaddled all over the crib, kept resetting the vibration to try and calm him, and jiggling the crap out of it when all else failed. The feeding started at 2am but all this jiggling and crap lasted from 2:30-4:00am. By this point, I realized he was going to be ready for another feeding soon, so I just nursed him for another 20 minutes, hoping that he would finally give it up and fall asleep.
Thankfully, it worked and he went to sleep. However, after this high state of alert for hours, I couldn't fall asleep. Soon it was 6:20 and he was crying to eat again. Lo and behold, now the power was back on. I was able to grab an hour or so of sleep after this feeding because I took him downstairs to his father who had enjoyed a silent, uninterrupted night of sleep. But that still brings my grand total of sleep to a whopping 4.5 hours, definitely not enough to feel good, patient, and cheerful for the day. That is going to involve a lot of effort on my part.
So thank you again. I'll be sure and remember all this when it's time to send you the money to pay you for the energy you sometimes deliver to us when you feel like it and I'll definitely remember this when I see another article about how you have to raise your rates.
Sincerely,
A thoroughly dissatisfied, tired, and pissed off customer
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
More Good Stuff
Some more good stuff to celebrate after a physically ill weekend:
Is it wrong that I am so stoked with how much D. talks to me and the way that he smiles at me? He smiles at other people but I swear if you could see how he looks straight into my eyes and then his smile overtakes his entire face and being, you would see what I'm talking about. It just does something to me physically, to my heart, to my soul. His eyes and expression reach into me and touch something so deep that it makes me tear up without realizing it but with a huge smile on my face. He smiles at others and may coo here and there at I. and V. but not to the extent and immediately like he does with me. Maybe I shouldn't be so happy about it but honestly, after all the physical sacrifices I've made willingly for this little guy and the ongoing challenges I've been facing as a result, there should be some additional benefits I reap as a result, right?
This afternoon, D. decided he wasn't going to fall asleep for an afternoon nap after he shot out a dump so I gave I. a heads up that resty time was over, threw him into the sling on me, and we headed out for a nature walk so that both of us could get some fresh fall air while D. took a much needed nap. It turned into a blessing for all concerned. D. fell asleep immediately which was the entire point. I. enjoyed looking at the Halloween decorations around the neighborhood plus gathering up autumn leaves etc. in a bag I gave her before we left. And I enjoyed the warm sun and cool air of typical San Diego fall weather plus hearing I. telling me several times how great this nature walk was and how much fun she was having. With all the challenges I've been having with her, the adjustments to two kids, and feeling like I wasn't doing a good job with both of them, it was wonderful to see her happy and basking in our nature walk. We will have to do this more often.
Is it wrong that I am so stoked with how much D. talks to me and the way that he smiles at me? He smiles at other people but I swear if you could see how he looks straight into my eyes and then his smile overtakes his entire face and being, you would see what I'm talking about. It just does something to me physically, to my heart, to my soul. His eyes and expression reach into me and touch something so deep that it makes me tear up without realizing it but with a huge smile on my face. He smiles at others and may coo here and there at I. and V. but not to the extent and immediately like he does with me. Maybe I shouldn't be so happy about it but honestly, after all the physical sacrifices I've made willingly for this little guy and the ongoing challenges I've been facing as a result, there should be some additional benefits I reap as a result, right?
This afternoon, D. decided he wasn't going to fall asleep for an afternoon nap after he shot out a dump so I gave I. a heads up that resty time was over, threw him into the sling on me, and we headed out for a nature walk so that both of us could get some fresh fall air while D. took a much needed nap. It turned into a blessing for all concerned. D. fell asleep immediately which was the entire point. I. enjoyed looking at the Halloween decorations around the neighborhood plus gathering up autumn leaves etc. in a bag I gave her before we left. And I enjoyed the warm sun and cool air of typical San Diego fall weather plus hearing I. telling me several times how great this nature walk was and how much fun she was having. With all the challenges I've been having with her, the adjustments to two kids, and feeling like I wasn't doing a good job with both of them, it was wonderful to see her happy and basking in our nature walk. We will have to do this more often.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Good Stuff
Here's two things that fit into this category.
One is the 10-15 minutes a day after I. goes to bed and D. is going to have a bath when D. and I sit in the glider and have a tete-a-tete, eye to eye session. I look forward to it all day because the rest of the day is spent with him feeding, napping, and us shuttling I. to and from kindergarten. With D. needing sleep every 2 hours, it doesn't leave us any time to just relax while he is awake. Well, there is some time in the morning but that's when I. gets her time with D. and I'm usually finishing up getting ready and stuffing something for breakfast in my mouth. But that 10-15 minutes at the end of the day is wonderful. D. gives me the biggest smiles while his big blue eyes just stare at me and then he'll coo and move his lips and tongue around as he tries to communicate with me. It's just awesome and almost always brings tears to my eyes. I'm really enjoying these sweet moments of these early days.
The second thing that is good stuff is that today is V. and I's 8th wedding anniversary. It's gotten to the point that I'm more excited about this day than I am my own birthday because it marks a real accomplishment in these times, especially considering the stresses of V.'s work taking him away to the ends of the earth for extended lengths of time. We're in a good place this anniversary. A couple of anniversaries ago, after Mark had died and V. had been in Saudi Arabia for almost 18 months, we were in recovery stage from all that these major stresses had caused. That anniversary was more like, "Whew, we actually made it to this one." Not this year. This year feels like a renewal of sorts now that D. is here and completes our family. We feel lucky and blessed and this little guy makes both of us smile involuntarily and often. Seeing I. so thrilled and in love with D. also makes us happy. Life is good. I'm looking forward to dinner at George's where we had our wedding reception too. As V. puts it, "returning to the scene of the crime". How that day came about was a miracle in and of itself and every year, we reflect back with a lot of smiles, head shakings, and retelling of who reeled who in on the proverbial fishing pole. Every year it's a fun time and I anticipate this year will be no different.
One is the 10-15 minutes a day after I. goes to bed and D. is going to have a bath when D. and I sit in the glider and have a tete-a-tete, eye to eye session. I look forward to it all day because the rest of the day is spent with him feeding, napping, and us shuttling I. to and from kindergarten. With D. needing sleep every 2 hours, it doesn't leave us any time to just relax while he is awake. Well, there is some time in the morning but that's when I. gets her time with D. and I'm usually finishing up getting ready and stuffing something for breakfast in my mouth. But that 10-15 minutes at the end of the day is wonderful. D. gives me the biggest smiles while his big blue eyes just stare at me and then he'll coo and move his lips and tongue around as he tries to communicate with me. It's just awesome and almost always brings tears to my eyes. I'm really enjoying these sweet moments of these early days.
The second thing that is good stuff is that today is V. and I's 8th wedding anniversary. It's gotten to the point that I'm more excited about this day than I am my own birthday because it marks a real accomplishment in these times, especially considering the stresses of V.'s work taking him away to the ends of the earth for extended lengths of time. We're in a good place this anniversary. A couple of anniversaries ago, after Mark had died and V. had been in Saudi Arabia for almost 18 months, we were in recovery stage from all that these major stresses had caused. That anniversary was more like, "Whew, we actually made it to this one." Not this year. This year feels like a renewal of sorts now that D. is here and completes our family. We feel lucky and blessed and this little guy makes both of us smile involuntarily and often. Seeing I. so thrilled and in love with D. also makes us happy. Life is good. I'm looking forward to dinner at George's where we had our wedding reception too. As V. puts it, "returning to the scene of the crime". How that day came about was a miracle in and of itself and every year, we reflect back with a lot of smiles, head shakings, and retelling of who reeled who in on the proverbial fishing pole. Every year it's a fun time and I anticipate this year will be no different.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Frustrating Step Back
D. had his 2 month checkup and shots yesterday and with that came some not so good news. It appears that we are back to weight issues. D. has gained weight but only the amount that a 1 month old should have gained, not a 2 month old. He's gotten longer by 2" but the pediatrician is worried that he is not getting enough calories and as she put it, "This is a key time for brain development and for that to happen, he needs sufficient calories." Let me translate this to what I heard, "You are starving your son. Your milk is not sufficient to sustain him and it's not good enough." So we're back to the supplemental feedings which I hated the first time around and most likely will the second time around, if not more. I try to remind myself that this is one of those things where it's the end result that is important, not how you get there. I may get that mentally a little but emotionally, it's hard for me. I don't want to jeopardize my breastfeeding of D. It was one of the things that I really wanted to experience again and appreciate more the second time around. But of course, I don't want to jeopardize D.'s development and future health just so I can live out my breast-only dream. It's a delicate balance that I'm going to have to navigate and try not to stress over. But it's going to be difficult.
D. didn't like the bottle nipple yesterday so I got a new nipple that he took this afternoon. However, for bedtime he was gagging on it but that may have been because he was already full. I'm not able to get enough pumping to supplement so I will have to sub in some formula. Ugh. Tomorrow when he gets up from his morning nap, I'm going to head back to the hospital and take advantage of a resource. They will weigh him, allow me to do a complete feeding, and then weigh him again which will tell me how many ounces he's getting from me so that I will know how many ounces he needs additionally. Again, it's taking something so simple and making it complicated which is very frustrating to me. But if my good natured baby is so good natured that he isn't crying when he needs more calories, it's really up to me to give him the extra calories regardless of whether it's frustrating, a hassle, or emotionally hard on me to take.
That is the measure of a good parent.
D. didn't like the bottle nipple yesterday so I got a new nipple that he took this afternoon. However, for bedtime he was gagging on it but that may have been because he was already full. I'm not able to get enough pumping to supplement so I will have to sub in some formula. Ugh. Tomorrow when he gets up from his morning nap, I'm going to head back to the hospital and take advantage of a resource. They will weigh him, allow me to do a complete feeding, and then weigh him again which will tell me how many ounces he's getting from me so that I will know how many ounces he needs additionally. Again, it's taking something so simple and making it complicated which is very frustrating to me. But if my good natured baby is so good natured that he isn't crying when he needs more calories, it's really up to me to give him the extra calories regardless of whether it's frustrating, a hassle, or emotionally hard on me to take.
That is the measure of a good parent.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Exercise Outlet
After posting on Friday night it was hard not to think about T. and pancreatic cancer whenever I woke up during the night. It was hard to pray, I was angry. When I was trying to fall back asleep after a feeding or waking up, the first thing I thought of was how, when Mark was sick and during his final week of life, the first thing I thought of when I woke up was that he was sick and dying. And then I thought this was probably the first thing on T.'s mind when he woke up and it made me so sad. I wonder if there is such a thing as being too empathetic? I mean, seriously do other people feel and think this much when others go through similar situations? Not that I'm equating losing Mark with T. losing his wife of 21 years because I'm not. It's really ripped off a scab that I thought was healed. I guess it's a scab that never really heals.
I made a conscious decision to take any and all advantages this weeked to get some exercise. After relying on exercise since I was 24 as my stress relief, it's hard not to be working out for the past 7 weeks. I've been using resistance bands and some free weights for upper body stuff but trying to do cardio in the living room is really difficult. I know that my anxiety level skyrockets with less sleep and no vigorous exercise outlet so it's no surprise that anxiety is a problem. As luck would have it, V. did his Saturday workout on Friday which allowed me to go out by myself for a short time on Saturday. With all the pent up anger about T.s' wife, I decided to head over to Miramar Lake, go down to the dirt path, and jog/walk. It was nice weather, fall-like, and the jogging got some of my anger out. I felt really good afterwards and for the rest of the day. Today we took shifts at the gym and I was able to get another workout in. It feels good to have my muscles sore from healthy exercise for a change.
We'll see how this week goes. V. may be gone most of this week too, we'll have to see. Making it through dinnertime, bathtime, and bedtime with 2 parents is so much easier. When it's just me, it's still overwhelming and usually both kids are crying about different things during all or some of it. It's exhausting. I am hoping that as D. gets older, some aspects of it will get easier but we'll have to see if that's true.
I made a conscious decision to take any and all advantages this weeked to get some exercise. After relying on exercise since I was 24 as my stress relief, it's hard not to be working out for the past 7 weeks. I've been using resistance bands and some free weights for upper body stuff but trying to do cardio in the living room is really difficult. I know that my anxiety level skyrockets with less sleep and no vigorous exercise outlet so it's no surprise that anxiety is a problem. As luck would have it, V. did his Saturday workout on Friday which allowed me to go out by myself for a short time on Saturday. With all the pent up anger about T.s' wife, I decided to head over to Miramar Lake, go down to the dirt path, and jog/walk. It was nice weather, fall-like, and the jogging got some of my anger out. I felt really good afterwards and for the rest of the day. Today we took shifts at the gym and I was able to get another workout in. It feels good to have my muscles sore from healthy exercise for a change.
We'll see how this week goes. V. may be gone most of this week too, we'll have to see. Making it through dinnertime, bathtime, and bedtime with 2 parents is so much easier. When it's just me, it's still overwhelming and usually both kids are crying about different things during all or some of it. It's exhausting. I am hoping that as D. gets older, some aspects of it will get easier but we'll have to see if that's true.
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