Positive Thinking and Then Not

Why is it that when I am having one of those days, those good days, when I'm feeling hopeful and happy, something ugly has to enter the picture? It didn't wipe out the good thoughts of the day but it did put an angry, yucky taste in my mouth.

Yesterday I was watching I. in her gymnastics class and I was thinking about how after summer, she would not have the luxury of taking these classes in the weekday morning hours. In fact, if her bedtime doesn't shift to later, she won't be taking these classes at all. But I was enjoying the fact that I was able to sit there and watch her enjoy her class and that I've been able to share all these experiences, just her and I, for more than 5 years. We did the Mommy & Me classes, the swim lessons together, all the trips to the Zoo, Sea World, Wild Animal Park and playdates just her and me. I'm really thankful for that and I think that will help the process that will take place when the new baby comes (at least I hope so).

What's also cool, and it goes back to my timing topic, is that now with this next one, I'll be able to do a lot of the same thing, just he/she and I during the weekday morning hours because I. will be in school. Although I'm a great multi-tasker, I know myself well enough to know that I would feel guilty trying to multi-task attention on a daily basis between the two kids. The way the timing has worked out, I'll be able to give the second one the one on one time that I'd like and then when I. comes home, I won't feel guilty about trying to give her as much attention as I want to/am able to. Now I'm not naive, I know it won't be as simple as that. I remember what a baby is like. Just because I. is home and I want to give her attention doesn't mean that it's going to easily happen. But I am confident that I will figure it out and be able to give I. what she needs without neglecting what the baby is going to need.

So that was how I was feeling yesterday - happy, hopeful, confident, excited. And then the phone rang at 5:30. It was my mom sounding like she was on death's door, sicker than a dog. This weekend is when they are going to Las Vegas - I've done a lot of research for them, made a creative, reveal gift out of it, gotten them a gift card, made all the reservations etc., not to mention doing the pet sitting and house sitting. But most of all, they haven't gone on a proper vacation just the two of them for almost 10 years because of that needy, unsocialized dog of theirs. So I was excited for them to go.

My mom was really sick with the flu or something, she had been in bed all day sleeping which was good. She almost called in the morning to tell me to cancel everything, that they couldn't go. But that's not the ugly, stupid part of this whole thing, that's not what made me mad. It was that she was calling me from the car sitting in front of Trader Joe's where my bitch sister was inside buying some groceries (with my parents' money). Un-fucking-believable. I don't need to comment on this further, it speaks for itself.

When I get angry about this constantly reoccurring situation, I just chat what has become my mantra, "Just wait til they're gone because you're gonna be in a world of shit." And it makes me feel better.