I haven't posted for awhile because I've been sick and just had nothing left after a full day with I. Anyways, I'll start with the good. I. and I had a fun time making a gingerbread house with friends earlier this week. The kids played so well together that we were able to sit down and have a conversation that actually made sense - what a treat!
Yesterday I had a nice lunch with Terry and it was nice to sit down just the two of us and talk about whatever came to mind. It's always fun and easy with him. Today, I. and I went to the Helen Woodward Center to learn about and visit with dogs which we both enjoyed very much. Then, stopped off for a piece of pizza for lunch before going to preschool. Today was Baby Jesus' Birthday Party and I volunteered to help for the day, much to I.'s delight. It was a lot of fun hanging out with a bunch of excited 4 year olds for the afternoon but tiring as well. I. loved having me there so that made the experience even better - it's nice when you're kid is proud to show you off happily to her friends!
Now the not so good. Off and on last week and the week prior, I was suffering through the hassle and irritation of the "check debacle" as I call it. Without going through all the gory details, the bottom line is that due to a couple of issues, the ex's check was late and instead of contacting ME the person who has the checkbook and access to the post office, she keeps calling V., who is 8300 miles away, stressed out, and working 7 days a week 14 hours a day. To me, that just screams,"I don't give a shit about you, it's all about me. Where's my money?!!" What a bitch. Finally got that resolved late last week and had major irritation #2 handed to me this morning in the form of this exchange:
V.: "There's going to be some Juicy Couture boxes delivered to the house."
A.: "Oh really?"
V.: "Yeah, they're the other part of the girls' Xmas presents."
A.: "So, she called you again just to tell you what we were to buy them?"
V.: "This is why I just took care of it myself instead of telling you."
A." "You know, it feels again like you guys are the family and it's just I. and I over here on the sidelines. She calls you up to tell you what your girls want for Xmas and even though getting all the Xmas gifts is my job, you and her just talk it over and you go and do it without involving me at all. I guess I'm just here on my own."
Of course, he declared that ridiculous but you know, this just goes along with the "I'm taking the girls to Puerto Rico" bullshit. This is what I HATE the most about being apart for this past year - he's totally reverting back to the single man state of mind that he was in before we got together. Or as I call it "it's not all about you" attitude that he's been copping during the short times he has been home. It's like I have to break him out of it but by the time I do, he's gone again. I AM SO TIRED AND FRUSTRATED OVER THIS!
Keep in mind, they're not going to get these presents until practically February when V. comes home. Regardless, they had to be ordered and delivered now. Which brings me to a related topic that has really been making me sad, to the point of tearing up, all day. It may sound immature, childish, or even selfish but so be it - I'm still going to say it anyways. I really don't think V. is going to send me anything for Christmas and that makes me cry. I wasn't expecting anything and would have been fine, but now that he made sure to immediately do what the ex said and get gifts delivered for the girls ASAP, well that changes everything.
I'm not going to say anything because I don't want him to send me anything unless he thinks of it and wants to. If he does nothing for Christmas, that says to me that I'm not special enough to him to make an effort to communicate to me somehow that he loves, cares about, and misses me. Bottom line, he just doesn't care enough to try to do something nice for me for Christmas. If this all comes to pass, it's just going to make Christmas Eve and Christmas Day ten times harder and just adds another time this year where he had the opportunity to step up to the plate and just didn't fucking feel like it no matter how that made me feel. Keep in mind, that I did tell him that I asked my mom to take I. shopping to buy me something because I would feel really bad if there was nothing at all under the tree on Christmas morning for me. I made it clear how sad that would make me so he was put on notice.
So after that rant, what have I/did I do to try to make his Christmas special? Keep in mind, there was very little space in his suitcase and I can count on 2 fingers places that will deliver something other than flowers to Riyadh. But here it goes...I made an advent baggie for him that has a loving thought for every day thru Jan. 1st and put it in his suitcase; I had all 3 girls make him Xmas cards and included one from me too plus some pics, put them all in a Xmas sack for Xmas morning (suitcase); and I spent literally hours finding a place to send awesome French chocolates on Xmas Eve to his office in Riyadh. I didn't want to send a cake because he'll probably be there for his bday next month so I wanted something different and I was really excited when I found this place online (of course). I'll end this post now since we're back up on a positive note.
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