Part 3 - I'm Exhausted & Confused

I figured I should finish this saga since Part 3 just concluded. My eyes are swollen with crying and I am emotionally spent but there was a good part and a bad part to #3.

V. called and wondered why I was so quiet so I told him what I said in my last post that I was going to tell him (angry and betrayed). I had gotten some time to think about things and realized that it wasn't the dollar amount but the inappropriateness of the gift that bothered me. So I told him that I was more than willing to give $200 in gifts to each girl but in things that were more appropriate for 17 year olds, such as clothes, or gift cards for clothing stores, accessory stores, and ITunes. He got silent and said he was irritated with me for making a value judgement on the gifts he was giving and asked whether he ever had made value judgements on the gifts I had chosen for my family. That pissed me off and I told him that I don't buy INAPPROPRIATE gifts for my family just because they want them. I said, "Even though my mother may want a $400 purse, I would never buy it for her!" and he knows that so it was a really stupid argument. A $200 purse is okay for a woman in her 20s or 30s who is making her own money not a high schooler with no job.

I told him that it really confuses me because we have always been on the same financial page and I just cannot believe that he thinks it's okay to buy $200 purses for the girls. So, are you ready? Cause here comes the kicker. He finally gets angry enough to blurt out, "Just so you know, I didn't like the idea of the purses and I told that and that this would be the last year I did this!"

Ok, what , huh?!!! I started yelling at him, "Why the hell didn't you tell me that? We wouldn't have been having these discussions for the last 2 days and I wouldn't have been getting upset if you had told me that!" If I knew he had finally stood up and barked about this, I wouldn't have felt the need to stand up and bark about it. It would have been taken care of and V. and I would still be on the same page, more importantly. It would have been "Hey, here's the situation, I handled it, we just have to make it thru this Christmas and it should be better." If he had said that before informing me of the deliveries, I would have been fine and wouldn't have said anything because I try to make V.'s life easier and better, not worse.

This sets me off crying, partially in release and partially in utter frustration because this was so avoidable if he had just told me that. Yet, he turns silent (because he's still irritated and that's what he does) and that pisses me off (like it always does). So I tell him that it's amazing how even though he left out the invaluable information, that I'm in trouble because I've dared to say to him what he said to . I told him I was tired of the punishment levied against me if I dared to give an opposing (or in this case, the same as his) opinion on a topic related to the girls. Finally, he let up because I was sobbing. I just cannot take him being angry with me, let alone 8300 miles away. Another issue to work on...

So I think we're okay for now but it saddens me to see the stress on our marriage that this year's separation has caused. I keep hoping that, like the bad times in my past life have strengthened me in my present life, this latest separation will cause us to appreciate each other's company and inner strength and make the future times together that much more special.