Today was a really good day, though exhausting. My parents generously bought I. a season pass, to complement their season passes, and paid for V. and I to go to Legoland all day today. It was I.'s first time and she was psyched. Even though V.'s back acted up after awhile, he hung in there and stayed in the moment which was nice. He and I. went on some rides together and I really saw him connect and have fun with her. I guess my "talk" with him did make a difference and for I.'s sake, that makes me happy. We all had a really good time and I'm thankful for my parents' generosity because between the pass, the tickets, and the food, it was not a cheap day.
Tomorrow morning, I. and I will take V. to the airport to go back to Saudi Arabia. Then we will come home and make cupcakes for Tuesday's birthday park playdate. I. loves cooking with me so this will be a nice treat for her considering that tomorrow is her actual birthday. She is really looking forward to sitting in the "birthday chair" next to the teacher during circle time and having everyone sing Happy Birthday to her. I'm excited for her and plan to stay and video it.
Tonight I wrote my annual birthday letter to Isabella and put it in the keepsake box with the other 4 letters. It's hard not to get choked up when I do this especially considering this past year's events. I find myself going out of my way to do things when it comes to Isabella because I think,"What if this is the last day I have with her?" I want to be an engaged, participating mother, one that I. has a lot of good memories with. I don't know if this is wrong/negative or good/positive or just a part of the grief process. I wonder if this mindset will fade with time or if this is just evidence of how I've been changed by Mark's death. I guess only time will tell.
Isn't it amazing that I start the post with a fun day at Legoland and end with Mark's death? It really is how many of my days roll - many of my best moments make me think of Mark. That I know, is part of the grieving process and one that will continue to feel less sharp with time.
1 comment:
I think that's a great mindset. I felt that way after hearing about the death of my doctor's daughter, and yet I still find it hard to keep it on the front burner. I hope you have an easier time than I did/do.
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