A sucky day was bound to happen after a good couple of days. It wasn't a balls to the wall kind of bad day, it just was a combination of various "yucks" that added up to a general suckiness.
The day started out well enough - I. and I both felt pretty good and were in good moods. We went to the gym and because we were going straight to the pancreatic cancer fundraiser, I took a shower at the gym and changed into comfortable clothes. I always have liked getting to take a shower in the middle of the day - I feel less worn down than I do at the end of the day and so it just always feels more pleasurable.
Then we headed down to Ocean Beach for the fundraiser, parked about 4 long blocks away and walked to where it was being held. This is when the "yucks" began. First of all, the huge banner filled with pictures of Mark was hanging up and that brought me down. There was also 3 big blown up pictures that Jodi had put together - their first kiss at their wedding, first picture of Hunter with them, and then a picture of their last kiss that I had taken in the final days. So that was a major bummer. After about 30 minutes, there wasn't really very much to do and I. started getting bored so I took her walking around, playing in the sand, and chasing birds but you can only do that for so long. We went back to the event and there was Jodi and Hunter. I went over to say hi and she acted pretty cold towards me and said she didn't know if I was coming or not. When I said, I had RSVP'd to the event on Facebook as soon as it was posted, she said she hadn't seen that (even though she's on the list right next to me) and that I hadn't responded to the couple of emails she had sent about it. I told her since I had already RSVP'd, I figured she was just including me on the group list as a courtesy. Even after that, she pretty much ignored me. Whatever, add it to the "yucks".
To add to this, I didn't feel like I fit in at all. There were wives, daughters, sons, and parents of people who had died of P.C. but I was just "the friend" - definitely a "yuck". Then I. ramped up the whining and complaining until it was pretty much constant and included anything and everything (a very big "yuck") so we left. Probably just as well because Jodi kept telling me that I should go walk up the street a couple of blocks, as she had, and try to talk people into coming down to the event. Now, I understand that the purpose of the event was to raise awareness about P.C. but I gotta tell you, I do not want to go solicit strangers especially in Ocean Beach to get them to go see some really depressing pictures and facts on a beautiful sunny day. Will I go speak in front of City Council to raise awareness? Yes, but approaching strangers on the street is not my cup of tea, even if it has to do with Mark. (double yuck)
Right before we were leaving, Jodi was talking to some lady and then she pulled me into the conversation by saying, "Mark was lazy, right April?" I said, "Well, at work he was always a hard worker and if he got into something he'd work on it round the clock." So she kind of disregarded my comment and kept telling this lady how "lazy" Mark was as though she thought it was an endearing but annoying quality that he had possessed. Huh, what? Why are you saying these things? (YUCK) Talking with Jodi's mom was depressing because she told me how Mark's family had shown up last night for the candlelight vigil down on Harbor Dr. and Jodi had gone ballistic, screaming and carrying on that she was going to file a restraining order and forbade them from coming to today's event. That makes me not like her very much because who made her the nonprofit's security, the decider of who can and cannot come to an event. What, is Mark's family supposed to join the LA Chapter of PanCan just so they can honor their son? I just think it's really self centered and immature and I'm getting rather tired of it. (YUCK)
Once we got home, I was wiped out but I knew I had a peed on bedsheet that I was going to have to change before I. went to bed. I went up there to discover that one of the cats had scarfed down an extraordinary amount of dry food and then heaved it all up, including stomach juices, all over I.'s room. No joke, it started at the doorway and continued diagonally across to the opposite corner of the room. (yuck) Needless to say, I was less than thrilled about this.
But thankfully, I. is now down for the night, the house is quiet, and I can sit down and relax. Even though I feel more sadness about Mark, writing this out felt good because it got all this "yuck" clutter out of my brain so now I can just sit and "be" for awhile.
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