V. always says I have a strange funny bone and it appears that I have passed it onto my kids. I. has a weird sense of humor that V. is shocked by but I seem to understand so she must have gotten it from me. And it appears that D. has it too.
After our swimming class which is always memorable due to D. smiling the entire time, we came home and ate lunch. While I finished my salad, D. was playing on the patio outside getting some fresh air but it was a little warm. I came out for a little while and hung out with him but then he indicated that he wanted to go inside. We still had a little time to play so I suggested playing with cars but he didn't seem to into it until I came up with something new. This age is so exciting because Everything is new. His brain is just starting to grasp imaginary play but hasn't gotten to the point where he can dream it up. However, he obviously can understand the humor of it.
I grabbed Ernie and Bert and threw them into the back of a dump truck whereupon I slammed the dump truck into the wall knocking both of them out. Simultaneously I yelled, "Owwwieee, my head my head." Then I looked at D. standing next to me and what did he do? His face spread out into a huge grin and he began gut laughing. It was such a beautiful sound. I did it a couple of more times and then he took over, tipping them over and slamming them around but looking to me for the "pain" side effects. I may be a girl, but I know how to play like a boy.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Family Weekend
Three days all together as a family...I don't think we've had that since our Idyllwild vacation in December. So this long weekend was a big deal. However, going into this weekend I was struggling with anger towards my sister (big surprise) which was causing major emotional down-ness. Of course I tried to solve it initially with going over all the good stuff in my life, things I was looking forward to, etc. which my mind understood but my heart just couldn't get behind. But with a little help from my friends (cue the song), being able to wake up without an alarm clock and getting some extra sleep, I recovered and was able to enjoy the weekend. It probably helped a little that I sent an email to my sister on Saturday night and was able to get all of that out of my head.
We ate our traditional Saturday afternoon linner at a new Mexican place in Del Mar which was a nice, fun change. It led to lots of laughter and crazy behavior even from V. Sunday afternoon we took the kiddos to the park and V. got to see D. running up and down the hill that he loves so much and going down the slide by himself for the first time. It was cool that V. got to see one of his firsts since he has missed so many. On Monday, we went to an indoor bounce playground. D. had a rough start and was throwing himself around on the ground with tantrums but finally, he pulled it together and had a good time. I. had a good time too and got some good exercise in the process too.
It was good to see V. watch the kids and experience all their energy and lately all of D.'s outbursts. I think he got an inkling as to why I've been pretty wiped out mentally and emotionally the last month. Getting a chance to step back also gave me an opportunity to see someone else (V.) struggling to handle the same things I handle on a daily basis yet on by myself and give myself some slack.
Started out on a rough note but ended up on a good one.
We ate our traditional Saturday afternoon linner at a new Mexican place in Del Mar which was a nice, fun change. It led to lots of laughter and crazy behavior even from V. Sunday afternoon we took the kiddos to the park and V. got to see D. running up and down the hill that he loves so much and going down the slide by himself for the first time. It was cool that V. got to see one of his firsts since he has missed so many. On Monday, we went to an indoor bounce playground. D. had a rough start and was throwing himself around on the ground with tantrums but finally, he pulled it together and had a good time. I. had a good time too and got some good exercise in the process too.
It was good to see V. watch the kids and experience all their energy and lately all of D.'s outbursts. I think he got an inkling as to why I've been pretty wiped out mentally and emotionally the last month. Getting a chance to step back also gave me an opportunity to see someone else (V.) struggling to handle the same things I handle on a daily basis yet on by myself and give myself some slack.
Started out on a rough note but ended up on a good one.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Dichotomy + Anger
It's been a long week, a lot going on. V. left on Sunday morning in the wee hours and just got back tonight. It feels like it should be Friday.
The dichotomy part is that there are some really good parts, funny, memorable times in the day followed by some really frustrating, chaotic times. For some reason I find it hard to process a day where I feel "high" but some really simple, quiet peaceful time of day and then later encounter a tumultuous, exhausting, out of control time of day. It's almost as though the emotional swing of events is more tiring than the actual events themselves.
Take for instance today. Enjoyed a Costco trip solely on the fact that D. enjoyed all the samples even though they were spicy and then we ate lunch together at home. Quiet, relaxed, one on one time. Then bedtime came round with me and both the kids and it was like game on. Chaos, I. crying, D. biting - I think I need to read Dante's Inferno to gain perspective at this point. I think once D. gets older, it will get easier but for now, it's insanity.
This week was also hard because V. was at a conference instead of just working away from home. Conferences mean work during the day and play at night, I remember. The play part is not the problem, it's just that it meant that I didn't get to talk to V. pretty much until the third night he was gone. By that point, a lot had happened and because I didn't talk about it with him, I was wrapped around in my head. Even tonight when he got home, I just felt quiet and depressed. This is in direct contrast to how I felt this morning when I found out that the company trip to New York for V. beating his goals does NOT fall on our vacation. The day after we get back from our vacation but I can make that work.
I think the pivotal thing coloring my mental and emotional thinking is my conversation with my mother yesterday. Her update on my sister and what she (my sister) thinks she is going to do when she gets out of jail angered me. I don't want to get into details but she continues to try to manipulate my parents and dictate what she is going to do when she gets out. It makes me angry, really deep down angry. The kind of anger that seethes, that causes me to become mute and draw into myself. This is really when I could use martial arts to hit and kick and get it all out.
The dichotomy part is that there are some really good parts, funny, memorable times in the day followed by some really frustrating, chaotic times. For some reason I find it hard to process a day where I feel "high" but some really simple, quiet peaceful time of day and then later encounter a tumultuous, exhausting, out of control time of day. It's almost as though the emotional swing of events is more tiring than the actual events themselves.
Take for instance today. Enjoyed a Costco trip solely on the fact that D. enjoyed all the samples even though they were spicy and then we ate lunch together at home. Quiet, relaxed, one on one time. Then bedtime came round with me and both the kids and it was like game on. Chaos, I. crying, D. biting - I think I need to read Dante's Inferno to gain perspective at this point. I think once D. gets older, it will get easier but for now, it's insanity.
This week was also hard because V. was at a conference instead of just working away from home. Conferences mean work during the day and play at night, I remember. The play part is not the problem, it's just that it meant that I didn't get to talk to V. pretty much until the third night he was gone. By that point, a lot had happened and because I didn't talk about it with him, I was wrapped around in my head. Even tonight when he got home, I just felt quiet and depressed. This is in direct contrast to how I felt this morning when I found out that the company trip to New York for V. beating his goals does NOT fall on our vacation. The day after we get back from our vacation but I can make that work.
I think the pivotal thing coloring my mental and emotional thinking is my conversation with my mother yesterday. Her update on my sister and what she (my sister) thinks she is going to do when she gets out of jail angered me. I don't want to get into details but she continues to try to manipulate my parents and dictate what she is going to do when she gets out. It makes me angry, really deep down angry. The kind of anger that seethes, that causes me to become mute and draw into myself. This is really when I could use martial arts to hit and kick and get it all out.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Hee Hee Hee
Diabolical chuckling coming from me last night and yes, I have earned the right. My cell phone rang while we were at the chiropractor yesterday afternoon and when I finally got around to picking up the voice mail at 8:30pm, it was a recording from the jail asking if I wanted to accept the call.
Guess she got my email. And the block on my parents phone should have kicked in this morning too. War tactics kicking in, gotta love it.
Guess she got my email. And the block on my parents phone should have kicked in this morning too. War tactics kicking in, gotta love it.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
War Tactics
Talked with my mom today and warned her that a letter addressed to me may be arriving at their home in response to my email. She mentioned again that although they have repeatedly told my sister that she is not to contact them via phone, only in writing, she continues to call them 15-20 times a day beginning at 7:30 am. My parents have enough stresses, both financial and physical, to be dealing with this harassment.
I did some research, made a phone call to the jail, and then spent over an hour, waiting to be connected online via chat to the company that handles jail phone calls. Finally after all was said and done, in 24 hours, when she attempts to call my parents' phones she will be told the number is restricted and cannot be connected. I feel pretty doggone good right now. I think I'll wait until my parents come over on Friday afternoon to visit and then ask if they got any calls from her that morning.
The only thing I'm debating right now is whether to send her an email in a couple/few days telling her that it was I who blocked her calls, not my parents. It's not a case of me taking credit for it, it's a matter of not letting my parents take the venomous hit for it. If she's going to go after someone, I'd rather it be a person who no longer can be played based on guilt and that's me.
I did some research, made a phone call to the jail, and then spent over an hour, waiting to be connected online via chat to the company that handles jail phone calls. Finally after all was said and done, in 24 hours, when she attempts to call my parents' phones she will be told the number is restricted and cannot be connected. I feel pretty doggone good right now. I think I'll wait until my parents come over on Friday afternoon to visit and then ask if they got any calls from her that morning.
The only thing I'm debating right now is whether to send her an email in a couple/few days telling her that it was I who blocked her calls, not my parents. It's not a case of me taking credit for it, it's a matter of not letting my parents take the venomous hit for it. If she's going to go after someone, I'd rather it be a person who no longer can be played based on guilt and that's me.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sometimes Enough is Enough
Ever since I received that voice mail from my sister I have thought about sending her an email, setting the record straight and what she needs to do while she's sitting in jail. I held back, figuring it would do no good, maybe it was even mean to send her an email while she's in jail. I am a nice person and wouldn't feel good about doing something that could be construed as kicking someone while they are down even if that someone was my sister.
However, all that changed yesterday while I was at my parents' house for Mother's Day. Coincidentally, yesterday marked 2 years to the day since I last subjected myself to my sister and when I had decided that I would not endure any more. She had sent my dad a birthday card and my mother a card for Mother's Day. I was surprised until my mother told me to read the cards and then I realized why she had sent them. Not for the normal reason of wanting to acknowledge someone else but simply as a vehicle to harass and attack in her "I'm better than you" way. I swear, her and Jodi Arias would be best friends because they think the same way. My father's card was just obnoxious and insincere but my mother's card began with a snotty tirade about their request that she sign the release form to allow them to verify with the jail that she indeed is getting all the help that she purports to be getting. I should back up for a second and mention that my mom was telling me last week about a 45 minute phone call she had with my sister who spun up some really amazing claims and stories of vicitimization and talked about how much help she was getting etc. I pointed out to my mom that none of what she was saying added up and that I thought it was all BS and she was manipulating them once again because they said they wouldn't help when she got out unless she got help while she was in jail. I told my mom to have my dad email her and ask her to sign the release so that they could verify the facts and that if she refused, they basically had their answer of whether or not she was telling the truth.
So back to my mom's card and my sister's snotty tirade which ended with telling my mom it was none of her business. That set me off and I told my mom that my sister just earned herself an email from me. It took me awhile to write it. I didn't want to be cruel but I did want her to know that I know she's full of it and that I would be working hard to make sure my parents knew she was full of it. It was kind of a declaration of war on my part - there is no longer anything under a polite surface. She will know exactly where I stand and that I am actively working to debunk her. It won't make a difference but today, I feel better and mentally lighter. It felt good to stand up to a bad person, to let that sort of a person know that I'm onto them and it's game on baby! It will be interesting to see if she writes me a letter back (to my parents' house, I certainly wouldn't give her MY address). Have to stay tuned for that.
Here's what I wrote:
However, all that changed yesterday while I was at my parents' house for Mother's Day. Coincidentally, yesterday marked 2 years to the day since I last subjected myself to my sister and when I had decided that I would not endure any more. She had sent my dad a birthday card and my mother a card for Mother's Day. I was surprised until my mother told me to read the cards and then I realized why she had sent them. Not for the normal reason of wanting to acknowledge someone else but simply as a vehicle to harass and attack in her "I'm better than you" way. I swear, her and Jodi Arias would be best friends because they think the same way. My father's card was just obnoxious and insincere but my mother's card began with a snotty tirade about their request that she sign the release form to allow them to verify with the jail that she indeed is getting all the help that she purports to be getting. I should back up for a second and mention that my mom was telling me last week about a 45 minute phone call she had with my sister who spun up some really amazing claims and stories of vicitimization and talked about how much help she was getting etc. I pointed out to my mom that none of what she was saying added up and that I thought it was all BS and she was manipulating them once again because they said they wouldn't help when she got out unless she got help while she was in jail. I told my mom to have my dad email her and ask her to sign the release so that they could verify the facts and that if she refused, they basically had their answer of whether or not she was telling the truth.
So back to my mom's card and my sister's snotty tirade which ended with telling my mom it was none of her business. That set me off and I told my mom that my sister just earned herself an email from me. It took me awhile to write it. I didn't want to be cruel but I did want her to know that I know she's full of it and that I would be working hard to make sure my parents knew she was full of it. It was kind of a declaration of war on my part - there is no longer anything under a polite surface. She will know exactly where I stand and that I am actively working to debunk her. It won't make a difference but today, I feel better and mentally lighter. It felt good to stand up to a bad person, to let that sort of a person know that I'm onto them and it's game on baby! It will be interesting to see if she writes me a letter back (to my parents' house, I certainly wouldn't give her MY address). Have to stay tuned for that.
Here's what I wrote:
We all want you to get help while you’re in jail. If you were diabetic, you’d be under a doctor’s care and receiving medication. The only difference is that your brain needs the medication.You told our parents that you were getting mental help in jail. I called there and verified that you hadn’t received any mental attention or therapy. I told M&D to ask you to sign the release so that they could verify and know that what you say is true. If you refused to sign it, then they would know that you were lying and just continuing to manipulate them. Big surprise, you refused.You told Momma it wasn’t any of her business whether you are getting help or not? So maybe it’s not any of their business to pay for all your prepaid phone cards, your groceries, your rented rooms, your health insurance etc.? Perhaps you should rethink your snotty comments and sign the release.And just for the record, my kids are with me 24/7 except for when they visit M&D for a few days throughout the year. There is no room to “plant your feet in” as you put it. None of us have a room in M&D’s house any more, we’re all adults. It is only their house from now on.
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