It's been almost 2 years since I was in my home without children. Sometimes it feels longer than that but when I concentrate on certain moments it feels like it was last week. Regardless it feels strange, empty.
The memory that comes up the most today is when V. and I were at the specialized prenatal doctor for our ultrasound and they told us that our baby was a boy. The surge of excitement, surprise and wonder was unbelievable. It was in the top days of my life, the others being when I discovered I. was growing inside of me, when I realized D. was growing inside of me and when both our children were born.
While nursing him this morning for the last time, we enjoyed humor at certain body functions and he gave me love in the form of nestling his cheek against my breast several times. We relaxed and then chuckled at the body functions that appeared during our feeding. I caught myself crying but thought it would be better to just enjoy and cherish instead.
Driving to my parents this afternoon I looked back at D. with his El Torito crown on and was struck by how cute he truly is. His little smile, his wanting to clap with me, and his love of music makes me happy. Picking I. up at school, she was so happy, bounding in with excitement, giving love to her brother, I have tasked her with giving comfort to her brother and showing him extra love for his first separation from V. and me.
I picked up some peppermint oil supposedly to help with reducing milk production. I really want this trip to be one of fun and relaxation for both V. and I but if I'm full of milk, it's not going to happen. The rest I'll leave up to God.
I am praying for easy, relaxed, fun times for V. and I. It's been awhile that we've been able to cut loose, especially me and I'm hoping that I will be able to relax and be ready for some fun!
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