I read an interesting blog on the NY Times tonight about an only child. I won't go into the whole article but two sentences caught my attention and made me say, "Yep, that's right."
"Only children are experts at understanding what adults want....The parental mirror of acceptance has been reflecting back all their lives."
It made me think about how I was raised and how in most ways it was great but in some ways it accelerated my development and made me grow up fast emotionally. Taking on responsibility way ahead of time and being treated as an adult before I should have been. I think it's made me feel more responsible for things than I should be. I shouldn't have felt responsible to fix my sister. I shouldn't have felt responsible to rescue my brother. I shouldn't have been the only shoulder for my parents to cry (and collapse) upon.
Things are different now, healthier, but I can see as my children need me to help them learn how to deal with emotions that the damage is there. I struggle with things that I suspect other mothers deal with handily. That which confounds me as a mostly "only" is natural to a child with siblings. When your siblings start appearing when you are 13, you've lost most of the siblings lessons especially when you are encouraged to be a second mother.
Good side of all this is that I really don't feel any guilt or obligation about leaving my kids with my parents. After all those weekly date nights and anniversary weekends that they took not to mention all the other babysitting I did while my mom did errands, I have no problem asking them to take I. and now D. for a few days. And that's a positive thing.
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