Trick or Treating

When your kids are asleep by 5:45pm, you don't have the traditional trick or treating experience.  Someday we will but that someday is not now.

Our major community shopping center hosts a trick or treating experience the Saturday before Halloween.  We've been going to it since I. was a toddler.  This was the first year we attended with 2 kids and it was really pretty cool.  I. was Little Bo Peep for the 4th or 5th year running and D. was her lost little lamb.  This will be the last year for I. to be Little Bo Peep as the costume will not fit next year so it was wonderful for her to be able to fit it in it one more year and have D. tied into her costume.  It was so cute and really fun to have 2 kids to be part of the same costume.

We wrapped up the afternoon with an early dinner at Pick Up Stix.  By 5:45, the kids were in bed and by 6:00, they were both asleep.

It was one of those days that I feel so fortunate to experience.  How I have been so blessed to have a girl and a boy, I'll never understand it but will remain extremely thankful for each day.

Beautiful Moments

I talked my parents into meeting D. and I at the beach so that they could see his excitement and I could also get some video and pictures of him in action.  When it's just he and I, I can't capture any memories since he's always running to the waves.  V. is too tired on the weekends and it's too crowded for us to really relax and enjoy ourselves when we're surrounded by crowds of people.  Plus my parents really enjoy the beach and having never seen D. at the beach, it was a treat they especially enjoyed.

LOVE!

Special Moments

I forgot to blog about this last weekend but want to do it now for posterity's sake.  Woke up and groggily nursed D. in the morning light, listening to the light but steady rain falling while watching the trees in the window blowing with the wind.

Ten or so hours later, nursing D. before he went to bed, in the twilight, again listening to a steady, light rain thinking how perfect a day could begin and end.

Mother/Daughter Bonding

Did you know that math homework can make the mother/daughter bond grow by leaps and bounds?  Strange as it may seem, it appears to be true in our home which considering that our home is a place of all sorts of strangeness I shouldn't be surprised.

The most recent occurrence of this was yesterday when I. arrived home with some math homework, a little tricky than normal.  She tried her best but asked me to help her understand it.  After looking at it, I showed her a way to study the chart first and organize in such a way that when it came time to answer the questions, all she had to do was some simple calculations instead of having to redo the math for each row every single time.  It obviously made sense to her because her brow immediately became unfurrowed and as she was able to easily answer the questions that were once hard to her, she became excited.  It all culminated with her giving me a big hug and telling me that I was the best mommy, that she loved me so much, and that she loved doing math homework together.   It's happened before where I will show her some trick to help simplify her math homework, telling her that she needs to remember the trick so that she can use it on her test where I will not be there to help her.  She's come home after the test and tells me, "I used your trick!" and proudly shows me the 100% on her test.

I'm a big proponent of kids doing their own homework so usually my help is along the lines of simply organizing information so that in order to answer the questions, she's basically just analyzing what she's already done.  She's still doing the math but just not having to do the same calculation over and over to answer the questions.  What I am thankful for is that her mind appears, at least in a mathematical sense, to work much like mine which is what is allowing our brain connection over math homework.  I know from my own school days that in math, if the teacher has a way of explaining it that you don't understand, you're not going to get it and vice versa, if you find a math teacher that you can understand practically the first time around, you should try to take as many math courses as possible from that person.  I remember taking a statistics course in college.  I would do the reading and the homework and understand the material until I went to class and listened to the teacher.  Her explanation of the lesson would have me so confused by the end of class that I just stopped going to class.  I read the book, did the homework, showed up for the tests, and got an A.

Who knew that I would be thankful for math homework?!

It's Not What You're Doing But Who You're Doing It With

Mondays typically mean grocery shopping for D. and I.  Not what I would have considered a fun outing in the past yet with D., it's a great time.  A time for us to hang out face to face, looking at things, smiling at people (mostly D.), and being silly.

Today was no exception and the best part was that we got home a little earlier than we usually do so after getting all the groceries put away and our lunches eaten, there was still some time to sit down and play with him before afternoon nap.  Not that he wasn't enjoying himself walking around with his water cup in hand, taking a little of this and that out and hanging out on the bottom stairs.  I sat down on the floor and started to build up the soft blocks for him to knock down happily and then we played balls for awhile.  It didn't take long before he was throwing himself into my arms and giving me love.  That's what I love about D. - when I do play with him, he is very effusive with his affection towards me.  It's like an immediate payoff which is really nice to receive.

Children often seem like an investment especially as they get older, you keep putting in the attention and effort which may or may not yield a direct payoff but you're always hoping that at the end of the investing period, you'll have something to show for it.

So for now in these sweet, early-ish days of D.'s childhood, I will relish these immediate payoffs and try to sock the memory away for the inevitable future days when I will wonder when the payoff will arrive.

Such Great Times But Then...

I feel like I've been recapturing summer vacation with D. these last couple of weeks.  Last Thursday we went to the zoo and then Friday we headed to the beach.  It was a great though exhausting time as this was our first foray to the beach with D. as a bonafide walker.  It went something like this:  D. running straight for the water, Me grabbing him before a wave knocked him over, Me carrying D. back up towards the sand, putting D. down.  D. making a U turn, running straight towards the horizon as fast as he could, Me grabbing D....well you get the idea.  Not what I would call relaxing but I didn't expect it to be.   There were moments of us playing in the sand and eating our lunch but aside from that it was all about running, monitoring the waves and grabbing D. before he got clobbered.  The squeals of joy and smiles on his face were proof enough of a good day.  Unfortunately with just myself on duty, I was not able to capture these images without risking D. getting more than a mouthful of ocean water.

Today it was still warm in our neck of the woods so I packed our car and we headed out to the coast, Mission Bay to be specific.  Perfect weather there - warm sun, cool breeze that gave D. goosebumps after awhile.  It was our maiden voyage of D. riding on my bike which takes some getting used to balance-wise; I mean 25 lbs. on the back of your bike takes some getting used to.  I got this bike seat when I. was older than D. and I didn't get to use it all that much.  I'm not sure exactly why though probably a combination of it was a little inconvenient to get the bike in the car, I. not completely happy being confined to the seat, and me being a little nervous about having my child on the back of a 2 wheeled bike.  Every time I saw that infant bike seat, I felt regret so when D. was born, I was determined to use it more this time around.

We had a great time.  D. loved riding around on the bike - his temperament is more laid back so he was pretty happy back there looking around and started singing after awhile.  When he did get bored, he started lifting my shirt up in back to let me know we were on borrowed time.  I packed a picnic lunch which we enjoyed, he chased some ducks and seagulls, made friends with some other 14 month olds and we called it a day...or rather time for a nap.

As I drove home, I was happy.  I was listening to music and to D. happily devouring "Goodnight Moon" in the backseat when I had a flash of an emotional memory.  Emotional memory being when your body is flooded with feel-good feelings where you remember exactly how you felt, where you were, what was happening.  I was at Ruth Chris' (Del Mar) bar sitting with Mark after work.  It had probably been a long battle filled day but I had found my refuge on a barstool next to Mark and we were talking and laughing and sometimes quietly sitting and digesting the day.  The thing about Mark is that I could just be and because he was my friend, not my boyfriend, my fiance, or spouse, he didn't feel the pressure to solve my problems.  He listened, offered his thoughts, and made me laugh.  When all else failed, he distracted me with a story.  The emotional memory was of warmth and soothing, like I was safe and had come home and above all, that I was not alone and content in the moment despite what was going on in the outside world.

My life is good and I am happy.  My marriage is very good and healthy.  My children are happy, thriving and healthy and I am able to enjoy them.  But when that emotional memory hit as I was driving home today, there  was a painful twinge and aching sadness.  I miss Mark and the relationship that we may have had laughing about our mutual sons.  I may have horrified him with my descriptions of D.'s testosterone surges as I call them just as I horrified him back in the day with what I labelled "got them by the ball sacks".  He didn't get to see me navigate with a son and I know we would have had fun conversing about it for many decades to come.

But concentrating on what is and trying to leave behind and just remember what might have been, I push on.