Putting it mildly, I'm disappointment and discouraged. This summer is not what I hoped for, not by a long shot. When I. has been on vacation during the school year, it's been great. She's been cheerful, helpful, positive, and loving. So going into this summer that's what I pictured I was getting, that kid.
Instead I have been left with this other kid - the negative, grumbling one. Oh she'll help but only when she chooses to and she'll be cheerful and positive but only when things are going the way she wants. I'm at a loss, I'm dumbfounded. I didn't raise her to be a brat or a complainer. I've set boundaries, done the tough love while still being loving in between the tough moments. Yet here we are.
Each day I end up disappointed, frustrated, and feeling like things are so off the track and I don't know what to change to get things back on track. I spend one on one time with her while D. is down for naps, playing with her some, cooking together, doing science projects together etc. and while she is happy during these times, as soon as they are over and we need to get some things done Negative Nelly shows up. "This is SO b-o-r-i-n-g." "You never play with me." "You always feed D. first." "You never do anything for me." You get the idea. It's like being on a roller coaster which I dislike immensely. In the morning things are great then things are not good, then okay again, then crappy and sometimes we end up with I. telling me I'm the best Mommy ever. WHAT?! It's exhausting to me. One time I pointed out that she was being negative and that if she couldn't say anything nice to not say anything more so what does she do? She screams at me, "I love you" Huh?
The only thing I take comfort in is that she understands that my job is to teach her wrong from right and that she won't always like it when I'm teaching her. When we've talked a couple of times, she has told me this and I overhear her telling D., "It's okay, you don't know wrong from right but I'll teach you.". This provides me with a glimmer of hope that maybe we're not off the path, at least not too far.
For the next 4 days, she is spending time at my parents' house and she was so excited. Part of me is dreading next week, though I'm trying not to expend any energy toward it, because at my parents' she is the center of attention and it's fun, fun, fun non stop as it should be when you're with your grandparents. I don't imagine that this will help next week when we have a more balanced week. However, I'm not going to think about it for the next 4 days. I'm going to enjoy having D. all to myself. I plan on kissing and hugging on him as much as possible since I won't be under surveillance. I can't imagine having just one kid again and an easy kid at that. Should be a cinch, though I do need to get some major baby clothing projects done and work on I.'s room.
Speaking of that....tonight will be the last night that D. is sleeping in the same room as me. Tomorrow night, he will begin sleeping in I.'s room while she's gone and Sunday when she gets home will be the first night they sleep in the same room. Oh boy that should be fun. I am sad about him moving out of my bedroom because I love being the first one he sees in the morning. I get out of bed, open the closet door, and there he is sitting up smiling at me. It's the best sight ever. But he'll be 11 months this week and it's been a longer run that I hoped for so I will try to just be grateful for that time.
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