Parenting Lessons

I'm not the most spiritual mother and I know it.  Do I pray for help and guidance as I parent?  Yes I do but it's not an hourly or even daily habit.  It probably should be.  But what I do know and have had proof of is that when I'm really going through a rough patch and I'm feeling completely demoralized after several weeks of tough parenting time, God will direct me when I've been willing to accept help and be responsible for the part I have played in creating the tough times.  It's humbling but extremely rewarding.

Since I. got out of school, it's been difficult.  Negativity, talking back, tantrums all of it and this after I had such high hopes for our summer.  I was completely shocked, so disappointed, and to be honest dreading the tween and teenage years if it was like this at age 6.  A few minutes before I. got home from my parents' house, I opened a book I've read and have been known to refer to, "Parenting with Love and Logic."  I really like this book but I haven't picked it up for months because to be honest the last thing I want to read or think about after the kids go to bed is a book about kids and the challenges of parenting.  I mean, I've been LIVING the challenges of parenting all day long so I want to take a mental break from it when I can.

However, I happened to pick up the book right before she came home, kind of a way of taking a deep breath knowing that my force of nature was returning home after such an easy peasy 4 days with D.  I opened the book where I had left off and the topic was "Nasty Looks and Negative Body Language".  This is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with so that was pretty wild right there.  I read the 3 pages quickly and it put this nugget in my brain to think about - what am I doing that may be setting off this behavior in I.?  Over the remainder of the day and evening I pondered that and came up with things I was doing unpurposely that would make her feel as though she were on the outside of D. and I.  And it grieved my heart greatly because the whole pregnancy my main concern and sadness was about losing that Mommy and I. relationship.  Yet by trying to savor these baby days with D., some of the stuff I was doing was leaving her out.  I realized that this summer is also her time with D.  Once she starts full day school in September, she won't have this time with D. yet I still will.  This realization of course made me feel even worse.

Starting on Monday, I made changes allowing I. "full access" to D. except for when he needs to nurse.  It's made a big difference.  I also made a point of incorporating more fun.  I was playing with her every day but I've stepped it up a little more and she's noticed.  We've gone to get yogurt and played a little more, done extra crafts that she wanted to do, and tomorrow I'm surprising her by taking her to see Madagascar just the two of us.  And that's before an afternoon play date with a school friend at our house in the afternoon that I scheduled.  We play together with D. and I'm more silly and relaxed.  Next week I've got some beach time and time at our pool on the calendar.  Basically, I've just stepped it up.  Does it make our calendar a little full?  Yes, but at least it's full because I've beefed up the fun not because we have extra errands to do.  Errands will always be there but this summer, our first full summer with the three of us, will only come once.  I. is old enough now to remember these times and I want her memories to be good ones like I have with my mom.  I also want to remember this summer with fondness and happiness not with regrets of what I should have done.

So although I may not be the most godly of mothers, I am so thankful that when I finally open up my heart and mind and ask for help, He hits me over the head with a hard cover book that helps me immensely.