Jekyll and Hyde

Each morning when I wake up, before I get out of bed I pray for patience, wisdom and a gentle heart because I have no idea who I'll be encountering throughout the day when it comes to I.  These days it seems I spend time with Jekyll and Hyde instead of I.

Last week I suppose was the honeymoon week after I. spent 4 days at my parents' house.  I. was back to her loving, appreciative, positive, happy, and sometimes helpful self.  However, this week has been an entirely different story.  The first two days of the week went really badly - loud crying tantrums about putting toys away in her room in the morning followed by another one when the loss of tv privileges for the day were revoked as a consequence.  The afternoon featured talking back, not minding, and giving attitude when asked to do anything and another tantrum occurred when I yanked my reading to her at bedtime as the consequence.  First thing in the morning Tuesday we started our day with a blatant lie to my face leading to privileges being revoked, resulting in a screaming tantrum albeit shorter.  Honestly I think the worst punishment was that she had to apologize for lying.  Sadly I think the only reason she finally did apologize was because she knew another consequence was about to come down. In the afternoon, she made me a card that she wrote,"Just want to let you know that I love you so much Mommy. I do I do I do love you."  So sweet yet very confusing to me.

Yesterday morning she cleaned up her room thoroughly without complaint which was great and was a significant improvement.  Things were okay until midday when the negative complaining started up again and since she just seemed to not be able to stop her mouth, I told her to go into her room before it got her into more trouble.  Again in the afternoon, she made me a card that said,"I am so sorry about the way I acted Mommy and I hope you know that I love you and you are the best Mommy that I could ever have."  It made me tear up and I told her that I loved the card and I wished this Isabella with the sweet heart would be around a lot more than she had been lately.

Today was better, no cleaning up problems and when she started complaining and to make snotty, defiant comments, I told her that she needed to control her mouth or go somewhere else unless she wanted to be punished.  And she pretty much stopped.  Unfortunately she ignored my "you need to lower your voice" several times at the chiropractor late this afternoon and threw a little tantrum there so I calmly told her on the way home that that was unacceptable behavior and that she would be going straight to bed after bath without me reading to her.  What was interesting is that she didn't cry, scream or carry on like she usually does.  I think she expected it and therefore, accepted it.

So maybe I am making headway.  Throughout this week I've explained to her that my job as a mommy is not to be her friend but to love her and to teach her right from wrong and how to make good choices.  Sometimes that means that I have to discipline her when she makes bad choices and I don't enjoy it but it's part of my job and I have to do it.  She gets that now.  She  may not like it, but she gets it.  By giving out consequences quickly and consistently, I feel less angry and frustrated and able to move past the tirade more quickly because I feel like it's been dealt with.

I don't want it to look like all I've been doing is punishing her because we've done plenty of fun things too.  Every day we play cards together or do a science experiment or color. Tomorrow we're going in the pool for a couple of hours and hit the library in the afternoon.   It's just a matter of balance between what needs to get done and things we do for fun.  I just wish that switch between Jekyll and Hyde came with a flashing light so that you could see when it's coming and be a little less blindsided.  I. is just a complicated child with so much going on internally and very little easing out externally until an explosion hits.  I know V. being gone all week has played a significant role based on things she says here and there.  Since Monday she's been "wishing it was Friday so Daddy would be home."  and "I only like Saturdays and Sundays because Daddy's home, I don't like the other days."  I can empathize with her but I can't fix it and it's frustrating.  It's also frustrating because when I tell V., he doesn't believe it really and I don't know if it's because of his past divorce and not being a huge part of the girls' lives.  When I tell him what I. says he says, "She's just saying that to get to you and look, it's working."  I've told him to stop poo-pooing her feelings and start being more sensitive towards her feelings because he's going to hurt her heart and if he hurts her heart, I'm gonna kill him.  Plain and simple.  I've even developed a code word that I say to him when I sense that she is needing him or something from him and he's obliviously trampling on her or not taking her seriously.  It has helped and adds levity to what could be a trigger to really bad feelings between V. and I.

I hope by the end of summer that we are in a good place, a more peaceful and consistently happy place.