Emotional Hangover

Tired today.  Some of it is due to D. waking up at 4:50am, some of it is left over from last week.  A lot was going on.  Long story short, my mom had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion after losing so much blood due to female issues that she couldn't catch her breath, her heart was racing and she felt faint.  She waited far too long and could have died if she had waited much longer.  She was scheduled last week for a procedure that  should stop the bleeding permanently but after the doctor got in there, she didn't like what she saw, took a biopsy, and ended the procedure.  Last week was spent worrying that the biopsy would come back as cancerous and also dealing with the fact that regardless, my mom would have to have at the very least her uterus removed.

Thankfully the test came back negative and I was able to find some good information about the latest in hysterectomies, a robotic device that reduces recovery time and blood loss.  My mom was thankful for the info and this week will be calling to make an appointment to go to one of the doctors who performs it.  I'm going to try to attend just to help with asking questions.  Unfortunately, the other phone call my mom has to make is to the insurance company to find out how much they will cover.  Of course, with my dad being out of work for a year now, finances are a huge concern.  They are already worried about the bill coming for the ER visit and transfusion and now if they have to cover even a percentage of the surgery itself, it may be sizable.  My mom wants to put it off if possible until my dad gets a job which is not a good idea since if she starts bleeding badly, she'll be back in for a transfusion and forced to get the surgery.

V. and I are not rolling in the dough over here with two monthly child support payments and private tuition on one salary.  However, what is the health of my mom and having her around worth?  It's priceless of course.  So yesterday I brought up their thinking about the postponement of the surgery due to the money and asked V. what he thought about helping them take care of the bill.  Without blinking, he said, "How could we not?"  For all of his "backward" emotions at times, he is unfailingly generous and I love him for it.

Speaking of  "backward" emotions, I left out most of mine in this post.  Part of me is still emotionally spent from last week and I can't delve into those emotions deeply; my reserves just feel depleted still.  Suffice it to say that last week brought up memories and emotions that I hadn't felt since Mark - the fear, sadness, loss, the chaotic feeling of not being able to do anything and the frustration and anger that results from all of these things.  I was wiped out on Saturday and now today with too little sleep, it weighs down on me like an emotional hangover.