Future Hope

I read the blogs of the "professionals" and of friends and I'm always struck by how their posts contain teachable topics and/or great skills, at least for the most part. I enjoy how they inspire me to think more deeply or to feel less alone with the struggles of being a momma. However, inevitably, I finish reading and think to myself, "My blog doesn't really contribute anything to anyone's life." I have to admit, I feel a little guilty about that.

Then I remind myself that there are different seasons to life, as I well know from my own past. For the past 3 years, the season has been characterized by raising a strong willed, feisty daughter basically on my own due to V.'s anti-family life job. It also was greatly overshadowed by Mark's cancer diagnosis and death and me trying to deal with that. So, it's been a tough season of life. Of course, lots of good memories and fun times too but overall, it's been a lot to handle.

My blog, especially lately, has served as an important way to get those swirling (yes, again with the swirling) thoughts and emotions out of my brain and body. Without V. here, there's really no one on a daily basis to talk those things out in between therapist appointments. So I use my blog to keep things rotating out of my mind and minimize the buildup which is NEVER a good thing. I am consistently trying to avoid the "straw that broke the camel's back" scenario that us women tend to struggle with. We handle and handle until we stop handling and God help the next person who irritates us or doesn't step in to help the way we imagine they should. You know what I mean.

So, right now my blog does serve a purpose. In this season of my life, its benefit is for me solely. Hopefully I'll move into another season where there's less swirling and more contemplative thinking. It's hard to be contemplative with a 4 year old, dancing next to you, screaming "Watch me Mommy! Watch me Mommy!" (like she is right now). It's a miracle I can write anything at all!