A Predominant Thought

 My days can be tiring, both physically in keeping up with D. and emotionally in navigating I.'s moods and daily frustrations. V.'s work schedule has ramped up this year and right now we are in the middle of a really busy work time.  Aside from a few hours on Wednesday night for my birthday, V. has been gone since Monday and I don't know if I'll see him before next Friday when I have planned a long weekend in Laguna Beach as a belated birthday break for me.  My BBB!   He was supposed to be home this afternoon but it's not going to happen.  I. is going to be really disappointed, even more so than I.

Aside from all this, I've had a predominant thought in my mind for the past couple of months and it is this:  this is the best time of my life.  Really.  Truly.  Do I get frustrated, lonely, tired, and angry at times?  Yes.  But looking at the great scheme of things of where I've been and where I am now and I can unequivocally say that This is it.  What I always hoped for, dreamed of, and now am getting to enjoy. 

It's not perfect - I'd like to be able to have V.'s company a lot more, it makes our connection so much easier and comforting.  Really though when is it ever perfect?  Waiting for perfect means it'll never come.  Acknowledging that my life is really happy and fulfilling 99% of the time and concentrating on each moment as it comes is important and leads to realizing how great this time is now.  Life passes by so quickly and my kids will only be young and with me for so short a time.  Taking alone time for V. and I reconnects us and by doing it more often, we fall in mental sync (i.e. saying the same thing at the same time) within 20 minutes.

I'm almost to the point of being thankful for Saudi Arabia because I really think it showed both of us that we could have lost what we had and how far off the path we had gotten.  More importantly, it has provided both of us a point of reference of where we cannot get to again and in my case, where I refuse to ever even get close to.  It's made me like the canary in the coal mine.  I even smell emotional disconnect and the walls being erected and I'm like my parrot, Hootie, when he goes into his shrieking, car-alarm mode.  Almost thankful but not quite yet; maybe in a couple more years.