Thankfulness

This morning I got D. up and offered him a nursing opportunity to which he turned his head away and fussed so I quickly gathered him up and we headed downstairs to get some breakfast in him. The last couple of days I haven't gotten him up at 10:30pm for a feeding since he wasn't eating so he's pretty hungry by 7am.  He ate a big breakfast which included 4 oz of breast milk in his oatmeal to try to keep him hydrated and then I put him down to play which he normally is happy about.  Not this morning, he cried and cried and I had to hold him in my lap or on my hip until it was time to head up for his nap around 8:45.

We sat down in the rocking chair and I wasn't going to offer nursing to him since he had just refused 2 hours earlier and had had a filling breakfast.  Then he pointed at the nursing pillow which was lying on the ground.  He's in that pointing stage where he wants you to tell him what he is pointing at so I said, "That's our pillow for milk."  I leaned him back against me to get ready to read to him and he shocked me by taking his hand and putting it on my chest and tugging up on my shirt.  He has never done that before.  Well, I needed no additional encouragement and to my surprise, he began nursing.  The effect it had on him was immediate.  His eyes half closed and his hand began gently moving up and down my arm.  D. is a real boy-boy and while he does like to be hugged and held and give kisses, he often times follows up these nice things with a bite, or a pinch, or a hair pull - not very gentle at times.  But he was back in his secure, happy place and I could feel his whole body just relax, really relax for the first time in days.  It was a miracle.  How did I feel?  Nervous at first that he wouldn't have enough patience for the milk to let down but then I could see that he was just happy to be back in the crook of my arm and sucking so I relaxed and enjoyed and thanked God.

Out of all this, we did reduce feedings by one, the 10:30 feeding, which is a nice one for me to have eliminated especially with school starting next week and the alarm going off earlier.  I can get in bed and relax reading earlier to compensate for the earlier wake up time.  I'm not looking to breastfeed D. until he's 3 or until I feel ready to stop.  I'm just wanting to do it gradually so that neither of us is emotionally bereft like we both were these last 4 days.  Of course there are times when I dream of a Vegas trip or a weekend away but he's still really young and Vegas or Laguna Beach or wherever will still be there when I'm able to go.  Having D. at this age and experiencing our bond will not be.  I will blink my eyes and he'll be taller than me, with a deep voice and a hairy chest if he's anything like his father and I'll wonder where the time went.

So for now, we'll continue and make changes in our own time.