Contemplation

My mom's birthday was yesterday so the morning was hectic trying to take care of things that would make her feel special.  She doesn't enjoy birthdays so she calls it her "happy day" but the rest of us treat it as a birthday.  The day before I had put in an order for flowers so yesterday after D. got up from his nap, we went and picked them up, then went to a bundt store cake to pick up a nice little cake that I decorated with additional flowers.  Then it was off to get I. from school early so that we could make the 30 minute trip to pick up my mom.  By this time, D. was getting fussy because it was quickly approaching time for a nursing and nap, one that he was not going to get that day.  We got to my parents' house, ran in, "threw" the cake to my dad, got I. changed into a dress and then headed to a nice restaurant that I had picked out.  The view was great, the ambiance was nice, the food really good.  My mom was so pleased that I got her flowers which we brought in to enjoy as the table's centerpiece and she had a good time.  After that, we went back to her house where we enjoyed the cake and presents.  D. hung in there with intermittent nursings throughout the afternoon and then we were back on the road to tackle getting them in bed.  All in all, it went really well.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted and kind of down though.  I think it was because of all the logistics and the running here and there that I didn't really feel as though I enjoyed it.  Of course the whole point was that my mom enjoy it and I think she did.  Anyone who really knows me though understands that I really try to be in the moment and consciously concentrate on enjoying these moments.  And I don't think I was successful in that yesterday.

Last night as I read some books on the IPad during D.'s late night feeding, I came across a couple of points that really hit home.  A sentence in a book called "Holy Parenting:  Making the Common Sacred", when talking about raising little ones said,"Instead of running off to the gym or to the store, maybe this morning you could practice the spiritual discipline of presence, the simple act of being with someone else, with no agenda, reflecting love and affirmation."  I like that sentence - the concept of just being with D. and I. "reflecting love and affirmation".  What more could they need than those two things?  I'm going to be keeping that phrase in mind.

The other concept was from "The 18 Rules of Happiness: How To Be Happy" and was to be grateful for what we have and how that will ultimately make us happy.  So simple a concept but one that still has to be put into practice until it becomes a natural habit.  I think since D. was conceived and born, my gratefulness quotient increased immensely.  Not that I wasn't grateful for I. because I was but with her, I may have taken things more for granted, ie. no problem conceiving a child, no problem nursing her, etc.  D.'s conception was hard to come by and only after we had given up.  His birth was tremendously hard yet exactly what I was hoping for in the end.  Nursing was a huge issue for the first several months and most people would have probably given up yet 7 months down the line, I'm still able to enjoy and celebrate nursing D.  His temperament is still beyond belief and the fact that we have a little boy in our family of girls amazes me every day.  These little things are what I'm grateful for.  I'm thankful for the big things too but my day is so filled mostly with the little things that if I wasn't grateful for them, I wouldn't be grateful very often.  I think that's been the difference between my first go at motherhood and this one.  Before I would hold off on true gratefulness until the situation of things in my life was perfect.  I see now that I missed out on a lot of happiness if I had just taken joy in what I did have instead of waiting for the rest to fall into place.  That's something I'm going to try hard not to repeat.

And by the way, I don't just read self-help books - I'm also reading 2 other books on the IPad, a police procedural book and a historical fiction book as well.  Really, I don't contemplate the lint in my naval all the time, just some of the time.