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Note: this picture has to do with the topic two paragraphs down but I can't get Blogger to cooperate in putting a picture where I want to in my post.

Still digesting the vacation but a few things have come to the forefront of my mind in the meantime.

Even though I didn't feel very good this morning, I went to the gym and getting on the treadmill actually made me feel better. I got to catch up with a couple of my gym "peeps" and that was nice especially a conversation I had with a lady friend who has 2 kids in their 30's now. She asked about the vacation and I told her honestly how it was. She began laughing and told me that she remembered having a few of those vacations when her boys were young. Those vacations when you're working harder and more worn out than if you just had stayed home. She said she remembered looking at the pictures of the vacations and while it looked like they were a lot of fun, she knew the "real" story behind the pictures. I have to say it made me feel a lot better. It seems like I am surrounded by moms who have kids that are more flexible and less volatile when it comes to travelling and sleep. It made me feel less alone and less disappointed by this vacation.

In a completely unrelated topic, there are a lot of stray dogs in Puerto Rico which is a real shame. These dogs roam the beach, looking for food and water and people just don't seem to get their animals fixed - stupid. There was a dog that hung around the beach right outside of our condo complex and in my typical Dr. Doolittle-style (as V. calls me), he tugged at my heart. It took some quiet words and calm demeanor but finally he came over, allowed me to pet him and we became friends. If I went out on the beach in the evening by myself and he was sitting near other people, I would just go and sit on my towel on the beach by myself and within 2 minutes, he'd come over shyly and bury his head in my lap as I pet him. He was so skinny that it was painful to see and on my last night he was feeling so poorly, I am certain he isn't long for this world. V. and the girls didn't seem to understand my attachment and desire to be kind to this animal stranger. I mean after all, I was going to be leaving soon so what's the point? Plus it wasn't like he was a beautiful, clean, energetic dog. He was filthy, full of fleas on the outside and God knows what on the inside, and very little energy. Yes, I could see all that but I also sensed from the first time I saw him that he was shy, sweet, and scared. People in Puerto Rico are so used to seeing strays that they just ignore them. To me it makes even more sense to show kindness to something/someone who never receives it. That led me to thinking as I sat there with my little dog that I'm very consistent with this mindset. The mindset extending from not shying away from dirty strays to people in the last stages of death. To me, these are exactly the creatures who should be shown love, gentle caring, and kindness as they make their way through the last days. Again, working with hospice in some fashion comes to my mind and all because of a sweet, sick stray dog in Puerto Rico.

This year for Mother's and Father's Day, I wrote letters to my parents about my childhood memories and what I appreciate about each of them. Mark's death made me realize many things, one of which being that today is the time to tell those you love how much you appreciate and love them. One thing I wrote in my dad's letter is how much I appreciate how he says "I love you" at the end of every phone conversation. When I was living at home, I don't remember him saying it all the time but as he's gotten older, he's become much more verbally and physically loving. My mother was very loving towards me my whole life but due to her screwed up mother, didn't verbally say "I love you" all that much, though I knew she did so it wasn't a big deal. However, when my dad started ending all our conversations with it, it became more obvious that my mom never said it. Well, I guess she read my letter to him because this past month, every time we get off the phone she says she loves me and you know what? It makes a big difference and gives me a new, warm feeling even after 40 years of being her daughter. It also reminds me that I need say those three words more often to I. on a daily basis because it probably gives her that same warm feeling too.