The Morning of the Dreaded Day Has Arrived

Well, here I am the morning of the day I've been dreading since Mark got diagnosed on March 27, 2008. How do I feel? About the way I thought I would - extremely sad, extremely nauseous, and exhausted. I can't change the situation obviously so I guess at this point, all I can ask for is that a lot of people show up, there is no drama, that we have beautiful weather, and that Brian and I do Mark proud with our eulogies. I know there's no hope of both of us getting through them without breaking down so I won't even wish for that. I just hope we cover all the wonderful things that made Mark "Mark", help everyone there remember their good memories with Mark too, and somehow soften the pain for the families. A friend of mine used that word "soften" the other night and I like it and it somehow soothes me. He said the pain of losing Mark will never go away, but it will soften. It's a good word because my pain feels sharp, like it's slicing me inside so it becoming softer would really be a nice thing.