A Mixed Bag

I've been working on a video to send to V from I about how she is missing him because she certainly is. After a lot of glitches, fits and starts, I think it's almost ready to send him...finally. The song I set to it is Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman and that's a whole tragic but touching story we won't get into here. We finally had a decent morning and I. opened up around noontime, verbalizing her feelings. It only took 8 days and this after me trying to help her verbalizing what she's feeling "I miss Daddy. Do you miss Daddy? I'm sad Daddy's not here. Are you feeling sad that Daddy's not here?"

I. coloring randomly saying,"I really miss Daddy." A few minutes later, "I love Daddy too much." And then in the car, "I want Daddy back at bathtime. Chasing me, I'm Daddy's little Squirt." It just breaks my heart. So since it breaks my heart, why would I not want to break Daddy's heart a little too. Just so he knows our pain, 'cause he really should, you know.

On the plus side of the bag, Mark, Jodi and their baby boy came over yesterday afternoon to collect their cats. This was the first time since July since I had seen him. Since then, he's lost his hair and more weight but with his eyebrows and his smile, it's still him.

Don't get me wrong - it's not that it wasn't hard to see him this way and hug him (he's smaller than I now) but I just have to put that aside for now. Hunter is so adorable and the best baby. I'd be bitter if they weren't going thru what they are going thru. But they truly, of all people, deserve an easy baby. Jodi is starting school next month to become a nurse to support Hunter (which in the future she will have to do) so I am planning on spending some good time with Mark and hopefully teaching I. at this early age about love, compassion, empathy, and eventually about losing someone you truly love. I sob to think of this lesson but you know, it's best she sees me learning the lesson first because it may make it easier for her. And isn't that what being a momma is all about - providing teaching to make life easier for our kids?