Missing the Hubby

This is a picture from the hubby's birthday dinner that we sneaked out for last week.  We really had a good time.  Now I'm missing him big time.  I have gotten used to him being around at least part of the week.  Even on the nights when he can't make it home for bath or bedtime with the kids, at least I know he'll be around for the evening and that brings me comfort.  This week beginning today (Sunday) he's over in Florida and next week he'll be in San Francisco and Dallas.

It's funny how you get accustomed to what you have to.  I mean I survived V. being in Saudi Arabia for a month or more at a time for 18 months total and I'm having a hard time with him being gone for a week at a time?

The fact is though that we are in a different place, a very different place, than we were during the Saudi Arabia time.  Those were dark times for both of us - going through a work separation that we didn't anticipate nor wanted plus making it through Mark's death.  It was just bad all around.  But we made it, barely it seemed at times.  We came back stronger, more aware of what we could have lost, more thankful for what we still had.

And then our little surprise made itself known.  And that led to another major surprise that it was a boy.  The healing began in baby steps but still there was the stress of how this would change our family, going from just I. to another, would V. be around at all unlike with I., and would I be able to handle 2 kids at a time.  Then D. arrived and the miracles began.  A miracle that he was able to be born as I had hoped for, that he was safe and healthy despite his traumatic arrival, and as we got to know him, that he truly was the "completer" of our family.  He not only completes V. and I kids-wise, he touches something in I. and her little heart swells whenever she sees him.  We are so blessed.

This baby has brought a new tender sweetness to V. and I's relationship.  V. and I are both strong, independent, capable individuals.  He can go away and know that I will be okay - our family and home will be okay.  But one of the best parts of "us" is that we have always been that one person for each other to whom we can just lay our defenses down, not guard ourselves and feel safe.  We know we can survive on our own but we don't want to.  Since D. has been here, giving him a bath together before he gets nursed and put to bed, is a really special time for us to share.  Of course I enjoy giving him a bath even if it's by myself but when V. is here, it adds an additional level of feeding of my soul.  We are experiencing it together and are creating shared memories that we will be able to look back on and smile.  With the hours V. works, this is not a given and I don't take it for granted.

Just another reason why I'm missing the hubby...