Spittin' Mad or Just Plain Hurt

Yesterday was a rough day in a couple of ways. First of all, D. was extra fussy from the morning all the way til midnight. Lots of patience, lots of boob. As a result of the lots of boob and the way D. nurses, one of my nipples is so bruised and sore that latching him on sends me to the moon and not in a good way. I've spent some time tonight watching latching videos to try to remedy this because I am in pain. Hopefully, I can put the info tips to good use and fix this sooner rather than later.

The other part of yesterday that was also out of my control. V.'s exwife's older sister was in town to visit her son who just moved here this month. The whole family is from New York and he went to school with this sister so he invited her and her son over for a BBQ at our place. I was totally cool with that. Then his exwife says she is going to drive down with the girls and come to the BBQ. Okay, so that's a little weird kind of, but okay.

So here is how the disaster began. I. was so looking forward to her sisters coming over and patience in a 5 year old is very limited resulting in her asking constantly, "When are they coming?" Well they piled in an hour and a half late and when they piled in, there wasn't 5 of them, there were 8 people. On top of that, they pile into my home and the people I haven't met before don't bother to say hello to me or introduce themselves so I know who the hell they are.

Then they had brought a container of margaritas that I didn't even know about and proceeded to pour them out for everyone of the age except for me since I was upstairs with D. But when I came down no one still offered me any or had poured me one for when I came back downstairs. V. and I proceeded to work our butts off even though I wasn't supposed to be doing anything on my feet to help with healing. I didn't mind helping V. but it was just annoying to me that no one even offered to help. They just sat there drinking and talking with each other, not even including us in the convo. I mean, I don't expect my guests to work but come on, I just had a kid so an offer would have been appreciated.

Now everyone was eating and socializing. I on the other hand, was feeding I. dinner, then feeding D, grabbing I. for bath and bed, then switching to get D. for bath. It was kind of ridiculous. I hadn't eaten lunch because they were supposed to be there at 2pm and now I'm not even getting dinner. Everyone else was having fun and I'm like the fucking nanny (after being sous chef), running around taking care of the kids while all the adults have fun. It sucked. And it hurt. Part of me being upstairs with the kids was because when I was downstairs, I was basically ignored and it made me so uncomfortable. I felt like I was on V.'s team helping him with preparation and such and then he just ditched me. I didn't expect him to be doing the kid duties since this was his social circle of people. What I did expect was for him to pour me a margarita and make sure there was a plate of food for me to eat. You know, take care of me. Look out for me since I was having to look out for our kids and put them first.

Then after I went upstairs with D. everyone took off without saying goodbye even though I was just down there to get D. It was just so disappointing to me because I really was looking forward to the party at least for the entertainment value. I had even thought up some questions to ask since I tend to get tonguetied with people I don't know. And to be treated and excluded like the hired help in my own home was beyond hurtful.

As I sat on the ground, chewing on the leftovers for my dinner, I told V. how I felt because although he had figured out I was upset, he didn't know why. I think he got it but true to form, he found it difficult to physically comfort me (a hug, a kiss) or to verbally acknowledge it and empathize with me. He didn't disagree with me though so I know he knew what I said was true. And later on, when I was tearing up, he told D. "Let's go sit next to Mommy." and he moved over and sat down up against me which is unusual. That made me feel better but still the hurt lingers. I know it touched something deep down from high school times and something that continues to plague me.

Let's just say that I can see why V. is no longer married to the exwife. Her and her sister may be entertaining in an obnoxious way but the selfishness, self-centeredness, and no consideration for anyone else is very evident. Being married to that would be exhausting and you would have to constantly be looking out for yourself because they certainly wouldn't.

Well, had to get that out so I can move on. Now I need to relax and get ready for the last feeding of D. Hopefully tonight will be uneventful and I will get some sleep.