New Year's Realizations

Realizations vs. resolutions.  I have plenty of personal goals as a Type A, eldest almost only child person so I haven't really ever felt the need to set resolutions.  Goals are a constant in my life, not a once a year thing.

But tonight I realized two important things.  The first being that I need to verbally recognize no less than 5 positive things about I.  Today was her first day back at school so I only had access to her between 6:30-8:15 and 3:20-5:10.  That's not a lot of time.  And when I was thinking about our interactions after I got both of them to bed, I realized that I couldn't remember more than 2 positive comments I made to her.  In my defense, during the morning hours, I'm getting ready and we're all (I., D., and me) having breakfast and then in the afternoon, it's hearing about her day, homework, and bedtime routines.  And the time I get to spend with I. during the school weekdays is kind of at the worst - in the morning with getting ready and cleaning up for the day and then the afternoon being tired and basically done for the day.  Not the best moods for I.

However, no excuse for me.  I want I. to become less negative and I think maybe if I start focusing on the positives of her, she might move over to the light side vs. the dark side.  I don't want her to grow up thinking that she had a critical, never-can-please mother.  That being said, there's a fine line between producing a responsible, productive human being and a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately, victim person.  And that is constantly what I am trying to strike a balance with.

The second realization I had today was that now that the afternoon nap nursing is being eliminated, I   can add a little caffeine to my morning coffee.  Woo hoo!  Being a non-morning person this could really make a difference.  Does this offset my sadness of weaning D. and seeing his need for sucking not being met any easier?  No.  I'd give up caffeine for life if it made it easier for him.  Tonight was a tough one compared to last night.  I guess this weaning is not a linear progression.  Last night, he chuckled when I discontinued his suckling (vs. active nursing).  Tonight, he cried and continued crying, though not for a long time, once I put him to bed.  Still made me sad.

I'm looking forward to a little boost tomorrow morning.  With V. being gone for a few days, I could use it.