A Brief Bitchy Moment

Let me have this one bitchy new mother moment, okay? I'm not trying to be a bitch but this is just something that REALLY gets to me quickly. Let me just say it, get it out there, and then move on to being thankful. Which I am, very thankful and still in awe of the baby boy.

Here it is. I am the one who gets up with the baby at night which makes sense since I'm the one with boobs. I get that. I also am cognizant that V. gets up at his own ungodly hours during the week to work. So I don't have a problem with being the one who handles all the nighttime duties, as well as the daytime duties if we're being honest here.

Most nights haven't been too bad. I usually feed D. for the last time ending at 11pm. so that he will only get up once at 2:15ish and then again at 6:30am. Or something like that. Sometimes though he doesn't go back to sleep quickly after the 2:15 feeding and I'll be up from 2am to 4am and then back up at 6:30. That's with going to bed at 11pm which is pretty late for me. But that's how it is and I'm fine with it.

But here's the thing. On the weekends, V. goes to sleep around 9/10pm and then sleeps uninterrupted until he wakes up which is still pretty early, usally around 6am. Yet he's still exhausted by 9am, needing to take a nap then and then passing out by 1pm for an hour or longer. Meanwhile, I'm tired too but still having to deal with 2 kids on very very interrupted and limited sleep which is my Achilles heel for my mental and emotional health.

My brain gets it that he's working 16 hours a day at a very stressful, demanding job. But my tired psyche is still trying to get used to having 2 kids with very different needs yet both very demanding and trying to cope with all this with reduced sleep and round the clock nursing which poops me out. And that leads to snarky, bitchy thoughts that I have to actively shut my lips so that they don't escape out of me.

A lesson in self-control and reaching deep down to keep the peace in the household. Because in all honesty, having a peaceful house is worth a lot more to me than making that bitchy comment that may make me feel better at the moment but much much worse in the end.