I slept pretty well considering all the swirling thoughts of last night and the week in general. Of course I did wake up several times in the middle of the night but was able to roll over and go right back to sleep. That's the key to a good night's rest for me - the ability to go right back to sleep since it's inevitable that I will be waking up many, many times during the night.
I woke up this morning with a feeling of hope. Hope that things will work out, hope that things will be okay though right now they are definitely out of my control, hope that I can handle what the future may hold. Sounds like way too much thinking is going on, huh? That's true which is why my mantra has been "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay." I chant it in my head to calm my mind down and to get it to move on to the here and now.
The here and now consists of homemade french toast for I. and I and shopping for our Christmas tree. It's not the perfect picture since I hoped that V. would be here to share it with us but it's good enough. I think that fact captures my life's struggle - perfect vs. good enough. I was raised (and was inherently born this way) to think that good enough was the same as a failure. Maybe a minor failure but a failure nonetheless. But nothing is ever perfect. Some days come pretty darn close but you know what, some days good enough is pretty damn good taking into account everything going on. I just need to make peace with that.
For now, I'm going to focus on the smell of the Christmas trees as we wander the rows looking for that perfect tree. Or maybe just the good enough tree. Regardless, I'll be with I. making another memory to add to her memory bank, the one that she will keep her whole life. And that my friend, is the definition of perfect.
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