Healing Moments

I finally am getting around to posting about how Sunday went. It's been busy around here lately and last night, I was just mentally pooped.

Date night on Saturday went very well. Not only did we have a good, relaxing time with our margaritas and movie, I also brought up the two major things that were identified in my therapy session as needing to be discussed in person. Maybe a loud restaurant was not the perfect setting but V. was going to be out of town for the next two weeks and I didn't want to wait until after that and the margaritas were relaxing him so I had that going for me! So, in I jumped with both feet and it went well. First topic was that if he felt I was being critical, he needed to tell me right then so that I could identify it in order to work on it for the future. However, we did get into what the definition of "criticism" was because I really believe that anything I say to him about him that is not all roses, rays of sunshine, and sweetness coming out of my ass is labeled as "criticism" and that just isn't accurate. We went over a couple of recent examples and I hope we can be on the same page. If we're not and he is holding up his end of the deal that he will tell me when I'm being critical, we can sort it out then. Most importantly, I wanted him to know that it made me sad that he felt I was being critical because I truly don't want him to feel that way.

Second topic was how the way he shows his affection (romantic and friendship-wise) is by joking around/bantering with someone and lately he hasn't been doing that with me at all. He just doesn't act like he likes me, doesn't think I'm funny, and at times acts like I'm annoying all of which breaks my heart. The question that kept coming to my mind was, "If he's not bantering with me, who is getting the bantering?" which fed into that old insecurity. We discussed that for awhile and he seemed to be shocked that I even thought the question and unhappy that I was dealing with it. Things have been better since. More communication, more kindness, more of the little things to stay connected; they all add up.

Onto my brunch with Mark's mom and sister...it was very comfortable and comforting. I think our relationship with one another falls into that "been in the trenches together" scenario. Once you've been through something so God-awful and seen the raw pain and grief of each other, it binds you together like nothing else. We shared stories, laughs, some tears but it did feel good to my soul to be with them. I was happy to hear and see that they are both feeling better slowly but surely. I commented to his sister that it had only been maybe the last two months when I finally felt more like myself and she said the same exact thing.

Mark would be very happy that I'm still a part of their lives and that we are there to comfort each other. Next step is planning the party in July. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year. Time flies not just when you're having fun but as a general rule it seems and I need to appreciate every day that I am given.