A Shining Example

This morning I. and I went over to spend a few hours with Mark and during that time, there were some moments that will stay with me forever. I'm warning you that this post is going to be long because I want to capture this day in writing so that I'll always be able to recall it.

What a blessing our friendship is and has been. When we are together, it's just so easy and comfortable, like a blanket you had against your cheek when you were an infant and how just feeling it on your skin soothes you, settles you even as an adult. That's how it is when we're together. In our 10+ years as friends, we've been together through a lot of personal difficulties (mine earlier, his now) so we seem to know just what the other person needs and how to communicate that, verbally and nonverbally.

Mark was waiting for me outside when we arrived and I. went into the house to visit with Jodi and the baby. I thought he was just enjoying the warm sunshine but in hindsight, I realize he was waiting for me because he stopped me from going in the house and said "I want to talk to you about something before we go inside." Mark warned me that it was a glum topic (his words) and said "If and when I don't make it, I want you to encourage Jodi to move on with her life and finds someone after a year to make her happy and help raise Hunter." I never thought I would be having this conversation with my best friend on the eve of our 39th birthdays. Nothing can prepare you for this - you just have to deal with it on the fly I guess. So I looked him in the eye, knowing how much this meant to him and what amazing courage it took to say this, and said I would do this for him as long as he gave me some latitude in assessing how Jodi was doing after those 12 months. He agreed and we moved onto another topic that he wanted my opinion on but this was truly a shining example of what kind of a man he is.

The next moment was when we were sitting outside by ourselves for a moment and I was being honest about how I was really struggling with sadness about V. being gone for so long. That may sound strange that I'm talking to Mark about this though not expressing my sadness about him but one, he doesn't need that additional burden and two, he already knows it without me saying anything. Anyways, so I tell him what I'm trying to do to combat the sadness and then I just asked him point blank, knowing that it's okay to ask, "How do you do it? How do you have a smile on your face and an aura of contentedness about you when you're faced with your situation?" And he said that he has his uncontrollable crying moments especially lately when the seriousness of it all catches up to him but he tries to concentrate on the good and keeps busy with short and long term projects that make him happy and give him something to strive for each day. That really helped because that is exactly what I have been trying to do to help cope with my sadness so it made me think that maybe I need to just cut myself a little slack and just let me feel sadness at times.

As we were leaving, Mark stopped me and said that maybe we could get together during the upcoming weeks because Jodi was going to be starting school M-Th in another week and he was going to be taking care of Hunter. I told him to start making a list of all the things he wanted to do because we would be doing them. I am so looking forward to these moments - he with his son and me with my daughter - the wheel truly comes round.

Later this afternoon, I was pondering Mark's request and all of a sudden, a movie I saw a couple of weeks ago popped into my mind and I started to get really excited. The movie was about a young couple who fell in love and then the husband got a brain tumor and died within a year. However, during that year, he wrote letters and set up events and other things that were mailed to the wife (with the help of a friend) for that first year without him, encouraging her to get on with her life. It was really amazing so I called Mark up tonight and told him about this movie and that I was planting the seed in his mind to germinate. I could tell he was really jazzed about this idea and he asked me if I wanted to be the one to help him do it and I said "We've always been partners in crime so absolutely." Another thing I never imagined in my wildest dreams he and I would be talking about but here we are and excited to be conspiring together in what may be the biggest coup in our lives. By doing this, we would be transcending death in a way to reach out and touch Jodi's shoulder for one additional year; to give her one more year with Mark - what in life can top that?