This was a day of contradictions I think. Woke up feeling down but before I got out of bed I made myself think of 3 great things about my life. I came up with being healthy, happily married, and having Isabella. That got me out of bed and I got to get ready for the day all by myself. We had swimming class this morning before a momma's playdate and the warm salt water felt really good to me. Also, I am cherishing these times with Isabella since I have had the teachers saying she is almost ready for the next stage of classes. So I enjoyed myself.
Next we went to a momma's playdate which we enjoyed though it was hectic. Isabella didn't let it phase her and had a great time which made me enjoy it that much more. It's amazing how much I enjoy things more now that I have Isabella. I got to see a momma I hadn't seen in awhile and that was nice though it was hard to concentrate midst the chaos. At times I felt like I was floating on an island of tiredness and sadness though and that wasn't a good feeling when you're surrounded by children and adults. Reminded me of when I was depressed which wasn't good.
Got home, needed a rest but had men clomping on the roof cleaning the gutters and it freaked Isabella out (understandably so) and so I ended up spending resttime rocking her in the chair for 45 minutes. No resttime for Momma today. The good thing is that we were very lovey dovey today - cuddling this morning, during resttime and then later on in the afternoon which was nice for me. Isabella is so active and rambunctious that these cuddling, lovey times are a real blessing and I needed them badly!
Talked to Vinny a couple of times today which was a treat but then found out that he was going to be gone all next week too which is a bummer. Then I thought maybe it was best since I don't feel like good company right now anyway. The contradictory day continued...
Got an email from my friend's wife and that was confusing to me too. His bilirubin levels still weren't low enough for exploratory surgery so they have to wait to retest on Monday. She hasn't provided me a suitable phone number so I have to leave a voice mail on his work cell phone and then email her to listen to it. That frustrates me and pisses me off towards her since I asked for a better phone number. Then she said the tumor is around 2 veins so they can't remove it which supposedly is good news? How is that good news?! She ended the email with they feel like they're past the worst of it so they just want to start chemo. How is it that they're past the worst of it? I'm confused, irritated, and frustrated and there is nothing I can do about it.
Let's see what tomorrow holds...
