Now That My Tantrum Is Over...

Wonder where The Baby gets her tantrum throwing from? Well, just check out my last post. It hit me the next day when I was driving that a tantrum is exactly what it was. I have to admit, I did feel better getting it out and I started laughing at myself whining about "It's not fair" "Waaa" You would have thought I had learned and accepted that lesson by now but I guess not. Every once in a while everyone's entitle to a tantrum I think.

So this week's been okay, not great. The Baby came down with a cold as soon as the hubby left so she's been borderline gnarly so far this week. I know she hasn't been feeling well, so I tried to be understanding and sympathetic but after the 4 meltdown in 2 hours today, I was starting to get tired of it. So, I just started acting like I was calm and patient (even though I didn't feel that way) and it got us through the rest of the day and kept things moving rather smoothly. I had forgotten that little trick I learned and used out in the career world - when I wanted to tell someone where they could put a contract but couldn't do that and had to act like I was calm and in control. See, lessons can be transferred from former to current lives and vice versa! Good lesson for the day.

Hubby is okay and should be home Friday night. The sad part is that this week has been so much less stressful work-wise for him than his normal week and he only had to travel 21 hours for it. I will keep looking for job postings for him!

This is sounding less like a post than an email to someone. I hate when that happens. Hopefully next post will be better....

Do I Really Have Nothing To Say?

I haven't posted for almost a week. Why? Every night I ask myself why I'm not posting and I still don't think I have the real answer. I come up with "I'm too tired.", "I don't have time." and "I don't really have anything to say." But do I really have nothing to say? Or is it something else?

The hubby has been home the last week (as opposed to the previous 2 weeks) so I don't like to be on the computer at night when he's awake so that we can spend some time together even if it is just vegging in front of the tv. When he does fall asleep on the couch, then I would rather read since that's a guilty pleasure these days. So that's been part of it.

Another part of it is that things have been continuing to go well with The Baby during the day which has been wonderful. That doesn't mean I'm any less tired; in fact, I think reining myself in and catching myself before the immediate, thoughtless "no" comes out of my mouth actually requires more energy in a way. The day requires less of my patience since we have fewer squabbles but it requires more mind control instead.

I have been more tired too because the hubby's timeclock has been off due to travel and I sleep so lightly that I'm awake off and on all night long and if I can tell he's not asleep, I can't fall back to sleep for a long time. That brings me too a recent aggravation that probably has contributed to me "not having anything to say".

Hubby found out late Tuesday that he has to go to Saudi Arabia on business for a week leaving Sunday morning. He's already been gone for the past 2 weeks and wasn't supposed to travel again until mid October but here's this friggin trip to the Middle East. This pisses me off on several levels: first it's last minute so I'm trying to deal with that; secondly, he was supposed to be home for awhile; thirdly, IT'S THE F*!% MIDDLE EAST right after 9/11 with Bin Laden spouting off on his latest crap; fourthly(sp?), there's all this travel warnings on the Web about Westerners shouldn't be going over there for non necessary trips due to terrorist attacks on them and the hotels they stay in - AARGH - need I continue?!

On top of this, it just irritates me that I can't count on my parents to help when I need it. I mean when I was sick and Vinny was in DC, my mom was running to help my train wreck of a sister get to the grocery store but it was okay that I was lying on the couch ill with Isabella running circles around me. I know, I'm bitter but after 10 years, it gets old. Though in one way, I would like a soft place to land in another way, it goes so against my grain as the oldest and mostly only child that I would rather just be by myself. I guess it would just be nice to be given the option or asked if I wanted help...

So Far So Good

Well, things aren't jinxed yet. Despite no nap and a couple of tantrums as a result this afternoon, I was able to successfully navigate the day. I did learn something new today though. I'll just set the lesson up how it went. Came home from the grocery store around 3:30 (remember no nap) and as I was racing to just put away the absolute necessities before making The Baby dinner, she signs to me that she wants to watch Blues Clues. Well, I am a stickler for TV and we watch about an hour together in the morning (Blues Clues, Signing videos) and then that is it. Unfortunately with last week's stomach virus, I had to resort to a DVD in the late afternoon so that I could get a head of steam to make it through bath and bedtime routine.

So, The Baby says she wants to watch Blues Clues. I of course say no sweetie, I'm making you food right now and she bursts into a crying tantrum. I keep moving on with dinner plans in the kitchen as she screams figuring she's pissed off at me for saying no and then here's the lesson. I look into the living room and she's stood up. When she sees me, she raises her arms up so I come around the counter, kneel down and open my arms up and she comes running into them! I was shocked! I thought she was crying because she was mad at me. And initially, she probably was. But as time marched on, she was just sad and that's where no one can do better than Momma. I need to remember that in the future because as soon as I held her and hug and kissed her, she recovered enough to sit in her chair and wait a few minutes for the rest of dinner.

I may know her better than anyone else on the planet but that doesn't mean I know her 100%! Something for me to keep in mind...

In a Groove (for as long as it lasts)

I already know that I am jinxing myself by commenting on the fact that this week has been better than the last few weeks. Don't get me wrong, The Baby hasn't turned into an angel by any means and we still have daily tantrums but I have been able to successfully nip quite a few in the bud this week and that makes me happy. The only thing I'm certain of is that it won't last and like everything else, it will change (maybe tomorrow). I wish that I could keep that simple fact in mind when things are going badly instead of feeling as though it will never end. Maybe I can revisit this blog when I am having a bad week to remind myself.

We tried out a new free class yesterday morning and The Baby had the best time she has ever had outside of the house. She tends to put on her "game face" and be more reserved when we go out but by the end of 2 hours at this class, she was as happy as I have ever seen here, animated, galloping around and shrieking at the top of her lungs which is very unusual for her since she hardly does that at all. I have to say that watching her gleefulness and pure abandon filled me with a happiness right up there with my wedding day and the moment she was born. Amazing how something so simple can elicit such a good feeling in me. It's moments like these that make the other moments: whining, tantrums, pulling my hair, kicking me fade into the background for a while and make me understand why people have more than one kid.

Getting closer to my second kid post .....(can't you tell?)

It's All About Right NOW!

I realized a couple of important things the last couple of days - one lesson that I learned from The Baby and the other one that just came to me. First the lesson of The Baby.

I finally have noticed that The Baby lives in the here and now. She can throw a tantrum one minute and be SO MAD at me and then the next minute be laughing and hugging me. I think this is a great lesson to me for a couple of reasons. First of all, by nature I remember things for a long time. I have to say that I don't hold grudges overnight but hour to hour, yes I do remember why you pissed me off. This has not been helpful in getting through the day with a 21/22 month old who throws quite a few tantrums. I would find myself holding on to that last tantrum and then combining my frustration with the next one until it became a snowball effect. But The Baby doesn't do that and seems much happier as a result. So I am trying to mirror that behavior and deal with the tantrum, hug each other and then let it go until of course the next one. We'll see how that continues to work out but so far the last couple of days, so good.

The other thing that I realized was that before I had The Baby, I always (as in my whole life from 10 years old on) was looking forward to something in the future, many times not enjoying the present as a result. Can't wait until I can date, can drive, have a boyfriend, get married, have a baby, have a career, etc. No matter what stage I was at I was always reaching and longing for the next stage. Well, this morning it just hit me that I really am content. For all my bitching and moaning about how tired I am or how my patience is tried, I am not longing for another stage right now. I'm happily married with a daughter and that's really what I always wanted. Yeah, I had the successful career and was at the top of my game and then was at the bottom of my game and you know what, it wasn't fulfilling for my life. It was an ego booster and on the outside, everyone said "Ooh ah" but on the inside I was still reaching for a real purpose. Now very few people say "Ooh ah" on the outside but I give a rat's ass because I, My Baby, and my husband (and a few others) say "Ooh ah" about the impact I have on their daily lives. This is what it's all about however hard (and don't get me wrong it's hard) it is.

For once in my life, it's not all about me and that is a good thing!